Crazy in Alaska

So much to say...

2011-07-06T16:37:00.004-08:00

Wow, it's been awhile. And in standard form, I've been away from blogging for a nice long stretch. It's not that I haven't thought about it, I think about writing all of the time. It's just that, well.... just see the name of my blog. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Instead of writing one loooong blog about my whole life story the last six months, I'll just start with one event and write other blog posts about the others. I'll spare your eyes and my fingers the torture of doing it all at once.

Let's start by saying that I've had, er, let's say... female troubles my whole teenage through adult life. These troubles are characterized by more pain than I could possibly describe without electrifying the chair you sit in. And maybe install spikey things. Maybe then.

I have a family history of Endometriosis, and have been told I have cysts on my ovaries. Lovely things, these cysts. I've had them burst, sending me to the emergency room begging to be run over by a truck. Repeatedly. Until the pain stops.

A few months back I started having pain on my left ovary-ish side. Nothing bad. Just enough to make me go "huh.". Over the course of several weeks, the pain got worse. I finally broke down and went to the doctor, who immediately ordered all sorts of tests. Let's just say I knew it was bad when the brusque and Brumhilda-like ultrasound technician suddenly turned kind and sympathetic after taking the images she needed. All 40,000 of them.

Come to find out, it wasn't what *was* wrong with me, it was what *wasn't*. The ultrasound showed that I had two very large chocolate cysts on my left ovary. Blood and other tests showed markers for cancer, and extensive precancer of the cervix. (There's a name for this, couldn't tell you what it was at the moment) The doctor also strongly suspected rampant Endometriosis.

I was scheduled for my pre-op appointment about two weeks after my last test. To make a long story short, I ended up in surgery much earlier. The pain was too much, and even hard core pain-killers stopped having any effect. ( And this coming from the person who goes unconscious when she takes benedryl.)

After the surgery, the doctor came in to see me. The conversation went something like this:

Doctor: "How are you feeling?"
Me: "Mmrfflflap" (patient note- Those little morphine push button thingies are THE BOMB)
Doctor: "O.K. good. (I'm guessing he understood Morphinish.) Well, the surgery went good. The cysts were very very large and I can see now why you were in so much pain. (Thank you Captain Obvious!) You also had extensive Endometriosis. It wasn't the worst case I've ever seen in my career, buuuuut..... it what pretty far up there. I'm very confident we were able to remove everything. (Note: by everything, he also meant ovaries, tubes, uterus and cervix. Yep, I was gutted like a fish!)

I know women often feel like they are missing something when they have full hysterectomies. I've read more information about it than is probably healthy, and most of what I read said to expect to go through the mourning process for this. I can't say this has been the case for me at all. After having so much pain for most of my life due to what I now know was Endometriosis, and the other problems I have had, I can truly say I am SO relieved!

Yes, I have to take hormones for about the next 20 years. But the knowledge that the problem was identified and addressed gives me so much relief and peace of mind. The recovery has been long, and my stomach muscles may never be the same. (Not that I was running around in bikinis before this!) But it has all been worth it.

I will have to continue to be checked once yearly because of the type and extent of the precancer areas that were removed. The moral of this story is: Get your yearly checkups! These cells would not have been found had we not been testing for an unrelated condition. I have not been good about getting mine done every year, and this may have had a catastrophic ending had the cysts not forced me to the doctor.

EVERY. YEAR. Schedule yours now! Do it for your kids, do it for your loved ones, do it for YOURSELF!

Tempted

2011-01-12T05:41:00.003-09:00

It's been awhile my peeps and bloggy friends. I missed you, and I missed the little rush I get every time I have a comment hit my email. I've been busy, of course, that part about me being a Mom and all, added to the fact I have a ba-zillion other things that are always going on or blowing up about the time I say "Well, things should start slowing down for meeeeee......".

To be honest though, that's not the reason I haven't blogged in awhile. In my mind, at least (Where a lot of crazy stuff happens, believe you me), I've come to a crossroads where I'm considering a change in my blogging.

I have so much I'd like to say. Blog posts constantly tumble around in my head, some of them like a dryer load of bricks. I know that what I have to say, so many women will relate to. I can't be the only one who thinks these things or has these issues. (Please tell me that this is so!) If there's something I've learned in the blogging community, it's that as much as we are all different, we are also the same. These words are itching to come out of me and be written down.

But here's the problem. In case you weren't aware, I live in a very small community, with said population very wrapped up in the military community we are also a part of. As much as I'd like to think I am entitled to my own opinions, griefs, concerns and what have you, experience the last few years has shown that I am definitely NOT. Well... let me take that back. I can put things out there, but they are sure to come back and bite someone I care about (see, I can't even put *who* without having to go back and write that more cryptically) in the ass in a career-busting way. What have I also learned the last few years? People suck. They will take anything you say and twist it to their advantage and use it against people I care about.

(Mr. Jerk-Face, if you're reading this, YES... I'm talking about YOU.)

So here's what I'm considering. I'd really like to write about my experiences as a military wife. I'd also like to write more about those touchy subjects having to do with depression, the ups and downs of relationships, the trials of Motherhood. And maybe about the people that piss me off. (I already have a running list). In a nutshell, I'd like to be more HONEST.

With one exception. I'd have to do it anonymously. (I know... hypocritical much?) I can't hide behind the obscurity of a larger population. Things that I say have and will come back to haunt my hubby and kids, which is in and of itself a cautionary tale. I'd like to put things out there that aren't necessarily ponies and rainbows, but without the risk to my family's livelihood.

So what do you think Peeps? Do I blog anonymously and write about what's REALLY going on in this crazy head of mine, or do I call it a wrap on my blogging days? I'm pretty sure it has to be one or the other, since having to censor this blog so heavily makes me feel like it misses the point entirely.

I'd love to hear your input!

Another TSA Rant: My Gift to You

2010-11-20T21:15:00.004-09:00

There's been a lot in the news lately about the TSA, and none of it is good. I'm sure Tiger Woods appreciates the break.

I really wouldn't have had a strong opinion about the whole mess one way or another if we hadn't recently traveled.... a lot. If anything, I would have wondered what the kerfuffle was all about. I mean, who doesn't want to fly safe? It's a crazy world and I'll take all the reassurance I can get!

Well, recent experience has shown me it's not that easy.

Last year, we planned a trip to New Jersey to visit family. My brother-in-law married a really wonderful gal, and we wanted to be able to visit as a family before too much time went by. Back in December, we bought tickets flying into Philadelphia.

Coming into Philly was great, of course, other than the person that I made the mistake of making eye contact with, thought we were his family, and continued to follow us all across the airport. I'm country, ya'll, I don't have my "weirdo" radar set very high. Out here, we're ALL weirdos.

Anyways, coming back was an entirely different story. It didn't help that the airlines had their system all jacked up and you had to wait in line for 20 minutes only to go wait in two more lines for another 30. So we were running a little later than we liked to have.

Now, at this point, let me say that we have FIVE (5) (cinco) (cinq) people in our family. This entails a lot of crap. And we're not talking a jaunt from LA to Denver. This is a SIX hour trip, with however long layovers, and with small children, well, it takes more than a village. It takes being PREPARED.

So we have a lot of bags. Yes, we can fit everything into the two requisite "carry on and personal item", but we know from experience that there's just a lot of stuff going on with our carry ons, and in going through security, it's going to have to be broken down to go on the belt. Needless to say, we weren't too concerned with counting our carry ons at that point. We had successfully gone through security three times in the past two weeks, so we knew what was coming. (or so we thought- this is the point that irony slaps you upside the head and tells you to screw yourself)

Soooo, as we are approaching the bottleneck of security, a TSA woman is yelling at people to consolidate their bags into "A carry on and personal item". She pulled us out of line to count our bags and make us consolidate. As we are doing this, growing later for our plane, she continues to yell at people over our heads, over and over and over and over again.

Even my six year old got that she was obnoxious.

"Mommy, why does she keep yelling?"

"I don't know Honey, no one told her about Indoor Voices"

Once this task is completed, and we've managed to stuff everything to her satisfaction, she allows us to proceed into line, and directs us to a line with a pleasant little placard that reads:

"For Families, and those who need special assistance." Cool.

It takes us awhile to get through the line, but we finally made it to the scanners.

I hate this part. Unless you have a family with small children, you have no idea of the horror of this process. There's all these bags and crap and taking the shoes off, and your children running off because the TSA agent has told them to walk through the scanner ahead of you. And after they've passed, you're left on the other side with a forgotten dime in your pocket that delays you until you've managed to rifle through your pockets and finally on the fourth try, make it through. Ask me how I know.

Well, anyways, back to the belt. Aaron and I are madly trying to get everything sorted on the belt, and in the meantime, a HUGE line is forming behind us. With irritated people. I can't say I blame them, they have places to be too. I'm on one side of the end of the belt, scrambling, and Aaron has moved to the other, on the right (correct) side of a little divider fence-y sort of thing. As we're dashing to get stuff sorted out, we hear:

"Sir!" "SIR!" "SIIIIR!" "*****SSSSIIIIIRRRR*****!" Keep in mind that there are a minimum of 100 "Sirs" in the immediate vicinity and the voice appears to be coming from the other side of the machines. The next thing we know a visibly angry TSA agent approaches Aaron (which they could have done in the first place, but it seems screaming across crowds is the preferred method of communication here) and tells him that he MAY NOT STAND THERE. At the end of the belt. On the correct side of the fence. Whatever.

I go through security and rush to gather my children from the four corners of the earth and get our shoes and belongings together. Next thing we know, Aaron is being taken from the Xray area (which he passed through without setting off) and pat-down searched. They did not inform him what they were doing before they put their hands on him. He successfully passed through the Xray, a TSA agent took him a few steps aside, and directed him to turn around and put his hands up, and then proceeded with the examination with no warning or explanation.

According to a recent press release from the TSA, a pat down should not have been triggered.

From TSA's own blog they write:
Fact: Only passengers who alarm a walk through metal detector or AIT machine or opt out of the AIT receive a pat-down.

This, my friends, is blatantly not true. At best, the TSA big-wigs would like to think their agents follow this decree. They do not.

Fact: ...all passengers have the right to a private screening with a travel companion at any time

Wouldn't you have to inform the individual that you are going to be performing a pat-down on him first, before he can ask for a private one? Proceeding to put your hands on someone in front of their children without any indication of your intention precludes the communication necessary to accomplish this.

According to THIS CNN article, TSA also contends it "Closely monitors complaints". I guess that's what they mean by responding with a form letter and never following up. We would really just like to talk to a human being about what happened, and why.

The whole experience going through security was infinitely more stressful and traumatizing than it needed to be. We didn't need to be screamed at, and talked to like infantile criminals. We also would appreciate a little communication before you put your hands in our crotch. (Dinner and a movie wouldn't go amiss, but hey! Who am I to be picky?)

I don't know, it's a catch-22 for everyone. I want safe airports just like the next person, and I really don't want to have to worry about scary things when I fly with my children. We need an agency like TSA to help make travel safer.

But we also need to be able to keep our dignity and privacy intact. I'm sure there's a way to do this, but someones going to have to admit there might be a problem with current procedures first.

Psst: TSA.... that's YOU.

Motherhood: the Oldest Competitive Sport

2010-11-15T18:15:00.004-09:00

For a group of people that are suppose to be all about the nurturing and love, Mothers can be a harshly competitive group of people.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard enough time with the mother's guilt and self-loathing. I second guess my every decision and agonize over whether I'm disciplining enough, or too much, or in not the right way. It doesn't help that media and tv give these idealistic views of the family unit in which every problem can be solved in 60 minutes or less. And don't get me started on the gushing celebrity Mom interviews where they talk about how blissfully wonderful Motherhood is, and how they easily juggle career and kids.

Bitch, you aren't fooling me... you and that team of nannies.

Motherhood is hard. The hardest job I know, and I worked as a cashier at Walmart once, so I think I have some adequate frame of reference. (You don't know stress until you're one of only two lanes open on Christmas Eve and everyone's looking at you like it's YOUR fault.)

One would think that Mothers would be fiercely protective of each other, understanding the struggles and trials that each other goes through on a daily basis with no thought or expectation of praise or reward. In some cases this can be very true.

But I've found that in practice? Notsomuch. I've found that Mother's are by and far their own worst enemies. The most hurtful and biting remarks I've had said to me about my parenting or about my kids have been from other Mothers.

Now, I understand that some of this comes from a very prevalent and (in my mind) hugely misguided sense of competition amongst Moms. No one talks about it, but we all know it's there. We all know that many Moms sit in the bleachers of life pointing out the mistakes of other people children and gloat to ourselves how much better "OUR" kids are than "theirs".

My kids are smarter, prettier, better behaved. *I'D* never put up with that kind of behavior. What is she thinking? *THAT* kids going to be in jail before their 16th birthday. OH MY GOD THAT PERSONS KIDS DRIVE ME CRAZY!

Yeah, don't tell me you haven't thought the same things. I know I've been guilty.

But why do we do it? Why do we assume we can measure other peoples unique family structures by our own dysfunctional family history and experiences? I know I haven't become President of the United States yet, or won a Pulitzer Prize. What makes me an expert on what the perfect child should look like, and why would I assume it looks like mine?

Maybe that's the heart of the issue. As humans we aspire for greatness, and when our lives settle into happy mediocrity there is still a part of us that hungers to be set apart for our unique accomplishments and talents. When our turn for greatness appears to be waning, we turn these expectations onto our children, and then hunker over them like lionesses guarding their cubs, batting away the competition like they are threats to their very existence.

I don't know what it is, but I do know the result.

As someone who's been on the receiving end of some judgemental behavior and words, it hurts. As if I for one couldn't agonize over my parenting enough, I also have to feel the weight of condemnation for having the family that's too loud, not always dressed like fashion plates, messy hair, homework not done, poor grades.... My kids fight, yell, stomp and slam doors. They say outlandish things they don't mean and then spend the rest of the day sulking like they're the victims before sneaking out with the rest of the family to pretend like the drama never happened. I catch them in several lies a day and repeat myself until I am a walking tape recorder of "Stop doing that", "Don't hit your sister" and "Get out of bed!".

But you know what? We love each other, hairy nasty warts and all. We have the best times as a family and learn so much from having each other in our lives. I see my kids make mistakes every day, but they learn from them and take one step closer to being happy, productive adults. The kid that's sitting in from recess because they didn't finish their homework? Yeah, that's mine. The kid that is arguing publically with their sister? Yeah, mine too. But they are the same kids that occupy the space in my heart every single day.

In between the fighting, hollering and drama, is a family. Our family. It might not look like yours, or even sound like yours. But it's mine, and you can think what you want, but I wouldn't trade it for your too beautiful, most popular, overachieving, best behaved specimen of perfect parenting for anything in the world.

"The Klutz"

2010-10-28T06:27:00.005-08:00

I come from a long illustrious line...

of Klutzes.

My Mom's klutziness was, and still is, legendary. To this day she can more often than not be found with a brace, crutches, splint, cast or other miscellaneous sign of injury. When I get a phone call from her on my cell phone, it's become sort of a game for myself to quickly guess what she's injured now. I get bonus points when I get both the body part, and injury type. Kind of like a macabre game of Clue. "Mom, on the leg, with an open fracture". I'm actually pretty good at it.

This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. As much as my Mom always just seems to be hurt somehow, I usually manage to hurt myself in new and creative ways. Just a week before my wedding, I partially fell through a deck backwards. The resulting injury was so bad the, *ahem*, "fluff" in the upper part of my thigh is still somewhat misshapen, kind of like a pillow that's had all of its stuffing pushed to one end. It made our first dance at the wedding more resemble a drunken zombie waltz. You get the drift.

A friend of mine who also suffers from "The Klutz", says that one day she expects they'll find her broken body in an empty room and it'll be a big mystery how she died with nothing to trip over or hurt herself on.

Only I know she's only partially joking.

I made the mistake about a month ago, when my husband was musing over my penchant for creative injury, of declaring that I hadn't hurt myself in AGES, THANKYOUVERYMUCH. I was a little indignant.

The Gods of Black Humor surely heard me that day.

A couple weeks later, my husband was snoozing on the couch and it was getting late, so I decided to do the proactive Mom thing (it happens) and get my childrens lunches ready for school the next day.

Now, let me back up a bit.

It was PFD time up here a few weeks ago. For those that don't speak Alaskan, that means Permanent Fund Dividend. That legendary money that the state gives us just because we're brave enough to live here. It's more complicated than that... having to do with oil revenues and yadda yadda, but all I've ever needed to know is that every year, in October, the state gives us money. Yay us!

The reality is... your car and every major appliance in your house also knows this money is coming, and will break down the week before, causing your dreams of spending the cash on a snow machine or tropical vacation down the toilet.

This year, our freezer decided to quit, leaving us using an old freezer that was left behind by the previous owner. The week before PFDs the door literally fell off this freezer. My husband warned me not to get into it unless absolutely necessary.

Feeding the kids is necessary, right?

So I go out to grab some frozen burritos out of said broken freezer, and as I'm trying to get the door back onto the front, it slips out of my hands and directly onto my toe. Hard.

I don't remember much else from this point, except the strange sound of an airhorn that filled the room. It was only later I realized that was me.

Needless to say, there was blood and carnage. And pain.... oh the pain! I limped to the clinic the next morning bright and early, and was chastised for not coming in that night. "If you had come in LAST NIGHT, I could have done more for you, but as it is...". Well, he did plenty, including burning a hole in my toenail to "relieve the pressure". I'm still not sure if that was necessary or punative.

Burning toenail is an interesting smell... lemmetellya.

I thought about taking a picture of my toe right after it happened, but between the thought that the world really didn't need to see that, and just forgetting to do it, I never did. It's been two weeks and I'm getting around just fine, but it still looks a little bit like a steak you've forgotten for several years in the back of the fridge.

That's a nice image to go with your Wheaties this morning, no?

So my poor poor girls. They have inherited "The Klutz". At any given time, you can guarantee that one or the other of them is going to be injured. Usually doing something inane... like, walking up the stairs. Who falls walking UP the stairs?!? Well, look no more. We do.

Last night, we are at my daughters TaeKwonDo class, and she is just getting into the warm up routine. I turn my head to talk to my other daughter and next thing I know someone is trying to get my attention. Well, it seems that my daughter didn't see the 6 foot something boy that was barrelling down her path like a semi-truck and collided with him, jamming her knee into his. The result was another trip to the clinic, xrays later today, and her hobbling around on crutches. I expect it's just very bruised, but we should find out more later today.

My husband is threatening to throw us all in a rubber room so that we can quit hurting ourselves.

I tell him he underestimates our heritage and creativity.

Bestest Birthday Present EVAH!

2010-10-07T14:28:00.008-08:00

Sooo, it was my mumble mumble-th birthday yesterday. *cough*

The day started out great, with my husband giving me the dear sweet treasured gift of SLEEPING IN on a school day. Getting up at 5:30am is not my bag, baby, so this was a grand gift indeed. Granted, one of the children went out the door wearing about 5 different and mismatch prints, but all the essential parts were covered so I can't complain too much. His attention to fashion detail is notsomuch. But I digress.

Later on, my friend calls me to tell me that I have a present, and it's at her house... but the glue is finishing drying. My first thought was "OH PRESENTS!", as it was unexpected. My second thought was "The GLUE has to finish drying?" I wasn't sure what to expect.

Collage of friend pictures and thoughtful poems and sayings?

Kleenex box holder decorated with beads and sequins?

Macaroni necklace?

Obviously, I'm not the guesser in the family because this is what she had done for me...

*Queue sniffling*!!!

My friend, who is a real-deal screenwriter and schniz, has been helping motivate me to write my "Great American Novel". Since I'm much better at the marinating of ideas part then actually giving them form and structure, she's been teaching me some of the techniques and tools she uses in her screenwriting. Extremely helpful tools and techniques, might I add.

To help pinpoint the plot points, and flesh them out properly, she taught me this post-it note and board method of clarifying the structure. And stuff. She can explain it better than I can. But I get it, and the visual aspect of it helps me immensely.

Added to the board, she got me a variety of writer-y supplies. Pens, index cards, lined paper, flags etc.

... And a few really kick ass books on the subject. Which I love and can't wait to pour over!

Not only was I touched by how extremely thoughtful and lovely this gift was, but what made me actually emotional about the whole thing was that this dear friend of mine believes in my dream. Probably more than I do myself. And that, my dear internets, is worth more than all the pens and post-it notes in the world.

Fair Report- Better Late than Never?

2010-10-06T10:38:00.007-08:00

It really is a shame that I didn't take more time to blog over the summer. So much craziness happened, and we accomplished so much. (Can't remember what it was exactly we accomplished. But I know we were busy enough... we must have.)

One of the big highlights. No, THE Big Highlight of the summer was Fair. It's what we, as a 4H family, have been working towards all year long. It's what made those 50 mile drives to the meeting place all worth it.

Our local fair is the Tanana Valley State Fair in Fairbanks. About an 80 mile drive north of us. This necessitated our camping at the fairground, which made the week and a half even more of an adventure. Once we made it to the fairgrounds to check our animals in, we didn't leave for almost two weeks. Thank goodness for our friends who had done this all before and were there to show us the ropes our first time out of the chute!

And an adventure it was. We laughed. We cried. We cleaned up more poo than we ever thought existed. And we came home with armloads of ribbons. The girls amazed and impressed me with the amount of knowledge they had picked up over the last year. I was proud to know that in some things, they knew more than I did.

The girls showed chickens, goats, ducks, geese, rabbits and guinea pigs this year. (And helped a friend show her cows!) This doesn't mean that they put their animals in a cage or pen and then sit back and watch the ribbons stack up. They had to work really hard for each and every one. They had to show they knew what they were doing and that they knew how to care for that animal. They were quizzed on anatomy, breeding and care. They stood toe to toe with children that have been doing this for YEARS, and didn't flinch at the challenge.

They all won a lot of blue ribbons. It was impressive enough when the animals of themselves got blue ribbons, but they all also won quite a few in Showmanship, where the animal is mearly a prop to help you display the skills you have acquired in animal care and handling. Nerve-wracking stuff, that.

For example, Emily entered a Cavy and Rabbit Judging Contest, where you judge 3 rabbits and 3 Guinea Pigs, and judge them the same as an official one would do. Then you have to explain to the judge why you ranked them the way you did. Emily received Jr. Champion for both, the first place winner being a lovely young lady who had been doing this ALL HER LIFE. As I was watching Emily work, I was floored at the extent of knowledge she had. Way more than I ever did!

There's probably quite a few things we'd do differently next year. Like- RELAX, and not worry so much, but everyone is really looking forward to next year already. Everyone has lots of ideas for new projects and areas that they'd like to work on. Haley the Diva has already scoped out the fashion projects that you can do in 4H, and Emily is making plans for her drawing and art entries. Lauryn just can't wait to hang out with the goats in their pen all day again.

It made me realize how truly blessed we are as a family. I delight in seeing them work toward their own goals every single day, and challenging themselves to become better. They have already accomplished so much more than I ever did at that age, and I am proud.

Putting too many irons in the fire can make it go out

2010-10-04T07:51:00.004-08:00

Somehow, I manage to do the same thing to myself every year.

I start out with a managable workload. If you call being a Mom, wife, housekeeper, taxicab driver, personal physician, laundress, and wanna-be farmer "manageable". But, generally, those activities in and of themselves leave me some time to do the things I want to do. Like talk about writing but really catching up on back episodes of "Real Housewives". I call it, "research".

Then, activities and commitments start creeping up on me like a bad rash.

TaekwonDo here, Awana there. Club meetings for me, club meetings for the kids. Writing groups and school board meetings, and "Hey, Honey... what do you think if I invited some friends over to play XBox tomorrow night? They won't notice if the house isn't clean..." Maybe doing some side work on websites to help finance my shoe addiction. Next thing I know I'm passed out under a pile of paperwork and schedules from lack of sleep with my naughty Lhasa Apsos licking my toes.

I'm the laziest workaholic I know.

Ironic, no?

But so true. I hate work. Partially allergic to it I think. But that's not the only thing I suffer from. I also suffer from a whopping case of Mother's Guilt. The kind that causes me to think if I don't have ten extra-curricular activities planned for my children EVERY DAY, than I will single handedly be responsible for the years of therapy they will surely need to heal the scarring I caused by not letting them go to that ONE CLUB MEETING.

So instead of sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, (which I always have plans for but never do) and keeping up on the ten thousand shows I love to watch, I find myself slowly taking on a workload that rivals any six-figure corporate job. Except without the six-figures. And BMW.

After buying a planner to help alieviate the brain hurt I was getting from trying to remember everything I was suppose to be doing, I realized that my days are quite full. Full enough to efficiently distract me from writing my Great American Novel.

So something's gotta give. Not quite sure what that's going to be, but I think I need to start exercizing that one word that is so hard for me to use.

"No."

Even if it has to be to myself.

I'm curious, how do you ride the balance between "Mom of the Year" nominee and mentally sane and balanced writer/career person/personal goal attainer? Do share!

Still Alive

2010-10-01T20:06:00.005-08:00

I'm sure you all noticed, the very consistent and respectable blogger that I am... that I've had a bit of an, um... hiatus on here. I don't know what to say about that other than, yeah, I've had a thing or two going on around here.

I hope you'll see more of me. Or at least I hope to see more of myself around. Like every hausfrau I have aspirations to be the next JK Rowling. OR, alternately, to write a book that actually becomes published. By a real publisher. Like... that makes books.

I know, I know. Everyone and their moose thinks they're gonna "write a book". But ya'll, I really want to. I'm sure it's not going to be deeply philosophical, or even worthy of a Pulitzer Prize (although I'll be polishing my speech just in case), but it would be nice to make a little money of my own. Or give my dear hubby the opportunity to retire.

By postcard.

From Tahiti.

But I digress...

I know I've already lost you, and you're wondering what the heck this has to do with my blog. Well, nothing. And everything. Clear as mud, right?

For me, writing is a muscle. (You see where this is going already don't ya?) And like the other muscles I'm in possession of, *ahem*, it's a little weak from the lack of use. I know I can write, and I can write well. (Don't judge) But it's going to take a bit of practice for me to learn to write to the level I know how.

So let's call this blog my treadmill. It's not going to make me a beefcake anytime soon, but with quite a bit of time and dedication... it sure can help me realize some longer term goals.

Or just share more about my life than anyone ever wanted to know. Probably that too.

The good thing is... I'm writing again!

Reflections from an interesting school year

2010-05-28T18:28:00.004-08:00

Today was the last day of school for my kiddos and I thought now was as good a time as any to reflect on this very interesting year.

Let me first say. My kids are troopers. It was a year of change and upheaval for them, which can be a very hard thing to deal with. And they made it look easy. They didn't get that from me.

We started out the year with a decision to homeschool this year. Previously they had gone to a local school but we pulled them after some things were said and done by administration and staff that caused us to seriously doubt the district had our children's best interests at heart. For the last two years I had worked at the school, and had experienced a pattern of disinterest, ignoring parent concerns (MINE!), and had seen the district abuse their employees. Working for a place is the first step towards losing faith in they system. I should have never stepped foot in there.

The straw that broke the camels back was in a parent/administration meeting where we were suppose to be able to share our concerns about faculty decisions that were made for the next year. Rather than address our concerns, we were called a bunch of gossipers by the Superintendent. One parent tried to share her experiences and give input, but was literally shouted down by two administrators. Then, later in the meeting, we were told that the district would meet with parents to change IEPs to reflect their recent budgetary decision to not keep a full time special education teacher in the school. Basically they were going to attempt to reduce the amount of services special needs children were going to receive because the district didn't want to provide the staffing for it. ILLEGAL and morally reprehensible.

I was disgusted and angry after this incident. When my husband shared with the Superintendent that several parents felt steamrolled and may pull their kids, we were, in not so many words, told to not let the door hit us. We decided to take him up on that and register our kids up for homeschool.

I learned so much about my children and myself during homeschooling. As for me? I loved the idea of it. I loved knowing exactly where my children were at and what they were doing every single day for school. But that being said? I also know I would happily poke hot forks in my ears before ever doing that again. It is damn hard being a teacher and a Mom to your kids. Especially for kids, who up until this point, have been in public school. My older two kids fought me every step of the way. Every day was a battle, with many tears and frustrations on both our parts.

God bless homeschooling Moms everywhere. That's all I can say. They are superwomen and more amazing individuals than I could ever aspire to. How they can keep their sanity all while teaching their children about dinosaurs and conjugating verbs, I can't fathom.

Once it became clear that THIS ISN'T WORKING, we decided to explore another option. About 25 miles down the road, there is another community with a thriving school. And one we had heard over and over was much better and didn't have half the drama and problems of our previous one. The bus for this school came within 5 miles of our house, so it was conceivable for us to meet the bus not too far from where we live. Since I'd walk five miles over hot sharp burning rocks carrying the children on my back to send them to a good school, driving them five miles to a bus stop didn't sound like a bad idea at all.

But rather than jump head first into a decision we might regret, we decided to check things out before we committed to anything. We made an appointment at the school to look around and see what the fuss was about. Since I've blogged about that experience I won't rehash the whole thing again, but needless to say we were blown away by what we saw. We made plans for the girls to start the very next week.

And since then? Life has been SO GOOD. I have (most of) my sanity back. I went back to being (just) Mom again, which is fine with me. Socially the girls were having a hard time at our previous school, especially my oldest who had been terribly bullied and harassed, even with the participation of a substitute teacher. On that day it got so bad I had to pull her out and keep her with me until her regular teacher came back.

At the new school, they thrived socially. Not only that, but they soared academically. Where I struggled in teaching subjects such as Math, they absolutely took off under the direction of their new teachers. Although I have no doubt that I did a good job and was teaching them well, there was some definite resistance to MOM teaching, whereas they adored their new teachers and did everything and more that was asked of them.

So, now, after this last day of school, I'm sitting at the table typing this watching my oldest girl giggling in the kitchen with one of her new friends while they bake a cake,and I can't help but be extremely pleased with how things work out. Even if we didn't start out on the best path for our kids, things have a way of working themselves out. And for us, they did in a very positive way. We've all learned some lessons about ourselves, and even if it's just what we *don't* want to do, at least we know that now. We're all in a much better place, with stress levels at the lowest they've been in years. There's not enough money in the world that could pay for that. We know our children are getting a quality education, we feel valued as members of the school community and we have the highest of hopes for the next year.

Bottom line, after a rough start, we have finally found what works for us. Occasionally we talk about that we wish we had made changes so much sooner, but at least now we know.

And knowing's half the battle.

Kumihimo

2010-05-26T18:42:00.004-08:00

A couple of years ago I attended an SCA event where they taught a craft that at the time I had never heard of before. In fact, I think I had to ask about 20 times- "what is this called again?".

Kumihimo!

It's an ancient Japanese braid making technique even used by the Samurai for either functional or decorative purposes. It was either made entirely by hand, or on stands called marudai and takadai, depending on the shape.

A marudai stand

Emily seemed to be taking an interest lately in making what I've always called "Friendship bracelets", made with I guess you would call a form of macrame. I made tons of these when I was her age, even coming up with my own patterns and designs. Yeah, I seriously had nothing better to do.

So in the midst of teaching her the macrame technique, I remembered the Kumihimo. My good friend, who is an expert on most things medieval and/or historic threadwork, happened to have a foamy version of the marudai, really just a foam wheel with a pattern on the top to help keep track of the pattern.

So, with a little trepidation on her part, and an intense Google search on my part for a pattern, I got her started on her first Kumihimo project.

I have to say... I wish I had known about this stuff when I was her age. Not only because I liked crafty stuff like that when I was that age, but I was already deeply interested in history. I would have been all over this.

For any of you with crafty little ones (ummm, in the GOOD way, otherwise I can't help you) out there, let me highly recommend this little project. It goes very quick, is easy to teach, and they get a history lesson in the process.

Cool beans, that.

We borrowed our current wheel, although I know they are available at a local specialty fiber and yarn shop. They can be made yourself out of foam sheets and you can also order them online. I found a few places that sell them-

Awesome Beads & Buttons

Knitting Beads

Also check Ebay and Amazon.

Here is a great tutorial I found on how to make a Kumihimo wheel- Thanks Hot Tea Apparel!

The Downpour

2010-05-24T17:09:00.004-08:00

I know I'm not up for any "Mother of the Year" awards... but gosh darn it, my kids will have some interesting stories to tell around the table at Thanksgiving.

Today it was a beautiful warm day, and then all at once the sky opened up and proceeded to pour buckets of rain. And, you see, although most people have the common sense to come inside during a torrential downpour... not these goof-balls....

Rain like this doesn't come every day... so of course you have to run around in it!

All she needed was a little soap and we would have been ahead on the shower rotation...

Lauryn found a raggedy old umbrella that's survived two winters outside and used it to try to keep some rain off. I'm not sure it did so well, but she sure looked cute.

And now, even before I'm able to post this, and in the tradition of the changeable Alaskan climate... it's already bright and sunny again outside.

It's a bit like the climate of living with preteens.... except I don't even have a raggedy old umbrella to cover my head with...

To remind myself when it's 40 below outside...

2010-05-13T16:08:00.010-08:00

There's something interesting that I've noticed as my hubby and I dive a little deeper into this grand experiment of ours... this little farm that could, this "I wanna be a farmer when I grow up" pathway that we've begun to travel down. This, "holy hell, what were we thinking getting something we'd have to go outside and water when it's 40 below zero outside".

Yeah. That thing.

With each little step we take towards living a little more self-sufficiently and the more critters we get, the more our friends and acquaintances look at us slightly sideways and giggle nervously. They wiggle their eyebrows and pat our heads ever so gently as if to say: "Aren't you cute there with your little chicken and goat?"

I know they don't get it. Animals are smelly, they're a lot of work, and just "WHY???", when you can go to the store and get a bag of frozen chicken for 6 bucks that won't poo all over your yard or eat your flowers. I see that look in their eyes when I talk about that new goat I got or the turkeys I will be getting later on in the year that says- "Lady, you've officially cracked your bean".

Yes, and our property is turning from a cute little parcel hidden in the Alaska wilderness to hillbilly central. What use to be willow and birch covered land is now littered with buckets, cages, coops and sheds. The tranquil quiet is shattered by the "Cock-a-doodle-doo" of a randy and obnoxious rooster. Our neighbors probably are beginning to hate us.

So why would we go through all this effort when it's abundantly clear to anyone who knows me that I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING.

This is why.

We live in the middle of nowhere. Seriously. Look at a map of Alaska and find its cities and towns.

Found them? Yeah, we don't live in any of those. Or anywhere else that has a dot by it. We live in a place that is just a place. It's not even officially a town. It's just an area where a few crazy people choose to live because it's near a military base. Heck, the people that work at the base don't even live around here. For the most part. Just the crazies, present company included.

We travel over 70 miles to the nearest Walmart. And that was just put in about 5 years ago. It was a big to-do when that happened, lemme tell ya. Where I am? No Walmart, no grocery store, no gas station. Not even a stop light. We do have a lodge, however, which serves the locals its vittles and beer. I don't think you'd find anyone in Alaska who'd live more than five miles away from THAT.

So it makes sense to me that we do a little more on our own. Grow our own veggies, provide our own milk. Raise a variety of meats, and hunt and fish the rest to fill our freezer to last the year. And why not? Heck ya, it's a lot of work... but think of the benefits.

For one, not that I'm the perfect picture of health and fitness, *ahem*, but food that you've grown with your own two hands is so much healthier. We know where it came from. We know what went into it, and that doesn't include hormones and antibiotics. We can know that our meat was raised humanely and was healthy and well cared for until the day it went to the big Whirlpool Freezer in the Sky.

And here's the part I might lose a few of you, but it's something I really believe. Farm girls kick ass. You know why? They know how to work. Have you ever seen anyone come from a farming background that didn't have a killer work ethic? I know I haven't. It does take a lot of work, and it's something I want to pass on to my girls. Yes, they love the animals, and every day we bring one home it's like a little piece of Christmas, but when the reality of what it takes to keep up with all these critters sets in, I feel like they are learning something very special.

They will know what it's like to work hard, even when they don't feel like it. They will also have, I believe, a special appreciation for what goes into the things most of us take for granted. They will have pride in seeing their hard work pay off when we get to take advantage of what we've all worked so hard for.

There's truly nothing better than sitting on the porch swing after working hard all day setting up pens and mucking out poo (yes really), with a lemonade or, (in my case) rum & coke, listening to the busy noises of the critters in your care. There's something really special in that, and when I'm doing that, the fact that this seems crazy to almost everyone we know seems to fade into the background as contentedness takes over.

So even if this plan of ours goes awry, (*see: "Homeschooling") I'll always have this big piece of my heart that just wants to be a farmer when she grows up.

I was tagged, and lived to tell about it.

2010-05-10T08:20:00.012-08:00

Ok, here's the scoop... my bloggy friend, Alaskan Dave Down Under, also Crazy, but not in Alaska... has tagged me in a game. What's the game you ask? Well, hold yer britches on, I'm gettin to it.

The idea is to go to your 8th photo folder, and find the 8th photo in it. Post it to your blog and tell the story behind it. I was just hoping it didn't end up being a picture of a rock or one of my "before" pics for the Nutrisystem commercial I plan on starring in in a year or so. *ahem*

So without further ado, I present a picture of our vampire baby.

She has gone on to star in some newfangled movie, Twinkle... or Twitter, or something like that. She doesn't quite sparkle in the sun, but she does turn pink.... red if left out long enough, so I suppose that's something.

It's interesting looking at this picture though, and noticing all the CRAP I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE BECAUSE SOMEONE BROKE IT. It's like a Where's Waldo of broken belongings. Like Granny always said- "We just can't have nice stuff".

At least, if I had a Granny, that's what she would have said.

Ok, so the second part of the game is cursing *cough* passing the game to some of your bloggy friends... so here we go. No pressure. Your eyeballs won't fall out, and your house won't burn down if you don't do it. Geez. I hope not anyways. That would suck.

My eight tags:

TSM

To Alaska... And Beyond

You!!!

Please leave a comment letting me know you played, and don't forget to pass it on!

Seeing Green

2010-05-10T08:01:00.005-08:00

As I sat here at my computer not playing Farmville, *cough*, I noticed something a little different about some of the trees around my house. It didn't take me more than a second to realize the THING that all Alaskans wait eagerly for almost as much as the yearly PFD check has almost arrived.

Green Up.

Next stop.... camping, fishing, and 1 am barbeques!

Pretending we aren't related to the Clampetts

2010-05-08T21:14:00.008-08:00

Today was the perfect day to get out and get some stuff accomplished around the house. Stuff tends to accumulate outside as layers of snow cover debris that kicked out from cars, dropped or blown in. So we picked up, fixed, shoveled and raked today, and didn't really have to fight much with bugs to do it.

We also worked quite a bit to make sure animals were squared away in the housing department, and as much as I wanted to get things done, I found myself gravitating towards the chicken run. It might have to do with this little guy that newly arrived there last night.... May or may not have coincided with my arrival home from my trip to Anchorage. I cannot confirm or deny.

His name is Sparky and he's our first goat ever. He's a Toggenburg dairy goat, although, for obvious reasons... we won't be milking him. The plan is to get a nice cross-breed dairy girl that we will be using for our milk supply (along with butter, cheese, soap... the whole shabang) and this guy will be her companion. Goats are pretty social creatures and like a potato chip, you can't have just one. We're going to dehorn him and castrate him, so our little eunuch goat should be more mild mannered and clean than a more *ehem* fully-functioning male would be. Who knew that's all it would take to clean a guy up, eh? I wonder what it would take to get one to put the seat down....

After the recent snowfalls and freezing temps, we had brought the chicks into the house, but they were able to play out in the run today and enjoy the sun.

After their naps, they all gathered around the water cooler to talk smack about the new "kid" in town.

Our rooster stood guard over his babies and hens. And gave me the evil-eye when I dared enter his territory. Oh yes Mr. Rooster. I dare. Nice roosters get to stay and be our little chicken pimp daddy. Mean roosters taste nice with a little barbeque sauce.

Lauryn helped Dad in the backyard. At least for the 5 seconds it took to take this picture. After that, the swingset was calling her name too loudly to be ignored.

We even had a pink unicorn sighting today. They are rare, but we do glimpse them occasionally in Alaska. If you're lucky.

Friends, we are some lucky people.

And yes... a little crazy too.

The Reading Gene

2010-05-05T04:22:00.004-08:00

I can't remember a time that I couldn't read. It seems that it was just a part of my DNA makeup that caused me to pop out of the womb clutching a copy of a Jane Austen novel. Somewhere, there is a set of "Little House on the Prairie" books with my 3 year old self's doodles in them, and I can remember reading them over and over again long before I was in school.

My Mom was/is an avid reader too, I'm guessing that's where it came from. I don't think a picture of her exists during my childhood that she isn't holding a book of some sort. In fact, when people comment on the uniqueness of my name, I always joke it's because my Mom read too many romance novels before I was born. I have no idea if that's true or not, but it sounds funny, so there ya go. (sorry Mom!)

So, I did worry a bit when my two older girls didn't seem to be into the written word as much as I was. Reading for them seemed to be a chore, maybe because I pressed the issue too hard. I totally admit that.

But lately, my eldest daughter has discovered the tween wonder that is Stephanie Meyers, and now the world is a rosy, beautiful book-filled place. She's torn through the whole series in a matter of weeks, and is now grabbing every book she can place her hands on. And we're not talking little thin books, we're talking the meaty big books here.

In the morning, she is waking up suspiciously tired, with bags under her eyes. Since she is *supposedly* getting around 10 hours of sleep, I have to wonder how much of that time is spent huddled under the covers reading covert copies of "The Fairy Path". hmmmmm.....

But it's all good... I'm just glad to see a piece of myself curled on the couch like this, with no threats, duct tape or coercion involved....

Testing, Testing... 1... 2...

2010-05-04T00:34:00.004-08:00

A few weeks ago I blogged a little bit about depression. No, this post isn't about that AGAIN, as much as I know the internets love to read about someone whining for 30 pages about how LIFE SUCKS. But I did want everyone to know how much I appreciated the feedback I got and where that information has taken me.

Both on this blog, and on Facebook, several people stressed very strongly that I needed to have my thyroid checked. Which, to be quite honest, when I first read, I thought "Yeah Yeah Yeah"... Insert eyes rolling. But then, because I'm not a total meany-pants, I did go and read the information someone sent me about symptoms of hypothyroidism. And then I fell out of my chair. Cause seriously? These people must be watching me.

I first visited a site called "Stop the Thyroid Madness" that included a ridiculously long list of thyroid symptoms. (And has the best name to repeat to a physician and make them wonder at your profoundness of professionalicity!) Of which I have most of. It wouldn't have surprised me to see my picture at the bottom of the list.

So I read some more, and became increasingly convinced that THIS IS WHAT I HAVE. Which is exactly why doctors would like the World Wide Web to blow up. They love all that self-diagnosing and crap. Nothing like a patient coming in and yelling "I know! Don't tell me! It's XYZ right??? I saw pictures on this website!...... "

So I made an appointment, with my list of recommended tests (courtesy Stop the Thyroid Madness) and proceeded to tell the PA what was going on, what prompted my research and desire for tests. He just barely repressed a sigh and eye roll when I handed him my checklist printout from another site, all filled in with my symptoms. I like to call it being prepared. (My husband calls it OCD, but what does he know?)

He did argue some of the tests, which I expected, but to his credit he agreed to order them anyways. Also... scarily enough, he ordered tests for a much worse thing, Lupus, which, if I have a choice, I'll go with thyroid thankyougoodbye. But the symptoms do match up, so at least this way if it's not my thyroid, I'll be able to confirm or eliminate another suspect condition.

So tomorrow I go in for a test that I can't study for (and also reminds me, I shouldn't have eaten that cup of beef stew an hour ago!!!) .... wish me luck! Hopefully within 2-3 days we'll have some answers or at least know what it ISN'T!

That's something, eh?

Awana Club

2010-05-01T15:57:00.006-08:00

Since the week the girls went back to regular school from homeschooling, they've been attending the Awana group in Nenana with a bunch of their friends. (I've been calling it "AwanaS" but was informed by the leader the other night that there is no "S", thankyouverymuch, so I stand corrected.)

Awana is a kid's club that teaches children all about the bible, scriptures and Christian character. As much as my mind folds in on itself when I think of my own faith, I think it's important that the kiddos have as much opportunity as I can manage to learn about the bible and what it teaches. I would also welcome the opportunities to learn about other faiths, but between my laziness and somewhat lack of diversity where we live when it comes to religion... that's been a no-go so far. It's just very important to me that my children have the choice that I never did... to learn for themselves what they believe and make up their own minds with no pressure or coercion. And for them to know I'm still proud of them no matter what decision they make.

OK.... back on track.

So for a few months now they've been attending Awana (with no "s") and having a fantastic time doing it. They've learned a lot, and made a lot of progress in their books.

This last week, they had their closing ceremony to celebrate their progress and get awards for what they've accomplished.

Haley got her certificate for progress in her "TNT" (Truth in Training) group. She was also given a very nice fiction book by the leader.

Lauryn got a certificate for her progress in "Sparks", the kindergarten through 3rd grade group. She also got a nifty movie from the makers of the "Veggie Tales" cartoons. (who doesn't love "The Pirates Who Don't do Anything"???)

Emily chose not to participate this year, and I respected that decision. But Haley and Lauryn had a blast in the club and look forward to continuing next year!

The Good, The Bad and the Buggy

2010-04-30T17:38:00.004-08:00

There are so many things I love about living in Alaska. I love the people here, I love the gorgeous scenery. I love the fact that just on our property alone we've seen moose, coyote, lynx, snowshoe hare, bald eagle and a variety of other wild critters. No bears so far, which is a GOOD thing since I have animals and children (take your pick which ones live in pens outside depending on what mood I'm in), but they are seen locally on a regular basis. I guess they know enough to stay away from the house with the WWE tournaments going on in the front yard.

We also don't have snakes here. Which between here and Ireland, I think are the only two places I can live on the planet for just that reason. Maybe Antarctica too... but I've heard it can be hard to have a veggie garden down there. I guess if I decide to get into penguin herding... but I digress. No snakes, supposedly no poisonous spiders although I've read a lot about brown recluses being seen more and more frequently up here. But not too much to worry about in terms of monstrous critters waiting around every corner to pop out at you and suck your brains out.

What we do have are Goliath mosquito swarms. One bite by one of these suckers will take you down at least a pint. And when they hatch? A small swarm could, in all likelihood, carry away a small child or animal. I'm certain of it.

The hatches go in cycles.... the first hatch of the season, which happened just this last week, isn't too bad in terms of the number of total bugs. The good thing is, they are so large that you can't miss them landing on you, it's a bit like a chicken attacking, and can swat them away. Subsequent hatches have smaller mosquitoes, but the total numbers increase exponentially, until at certain times of the day you can't go out without your iron-plated armor and 1000 proof DEET without breathing pure mosquito bodies. Breakfast of champions.

Other places in Alaska also have rampant no-seeum populations, and even biting flies. Biting flies aren't so much a problem where we live (knock on wood) but we do usually get a couple weeks of the no-seeums... also called midges by some people. A bite by one of these generally leaves a huge welt that hurts like a mofo. I'm always one walking welt for a couple weeks every summer. Good times.

Still, bugs and all, it isn't that bad. We still do our best to enjoy the out of doors... how could we not living where we do? And we keep a good supply of bug dope. And also? We're getting plenty of protein in our diet. It's all worth it just to live near this:

The Vole Who Ate My Face

2010-04-28T06:33:00.006-08:00

One of the things I don't look forward to when it is Springtime in Alaska is the resurgence of creepy crawly crittery things. For the most part, they are at tolerable levels, and we can both live side by side in peace, them out in their holes and dens and whatnot, and me safely inside the house.

But two times during the year, in the Spring and in the Fall, the creepy crawly crittery things decide that inside looks a whole lot better than their own digs, and they come in to make themselves at home. In my home. We have little shrews, that can live up to their mean-spirited reputation, and voles, which are really just pointy nosed mice.

This wouldn't be so bad, except for when I see a vole or a shrew in my house, my brains fall out of my head and I regress to about a 1st grade level. Maybe preschool to be honest since my Kindergartner acts more mature than I do when faced with a tiny little vole just trying to get from one place to another. Shrieking, hollering and throwing things (if only I had better aim!) commence, along with a pretty humorous (or so I've been told) attempt to walk on air. It's not pretty, or very dignified, but it's a reaction that I can't help. Once I climbed the couch. My husband refuses to let me forget about it.

So yesterday morning, I'm laying in bed and hear a swish swish swish, Thump. Swish swish swish, thump. What the......?

I put my glasses on and see Diego putting around a vole the size of a baby elephant around the floor of my room, and then tossing it up into the air like a stuffed animal. I'm sure he was having great fun. Me? Abject terror ensues. So instead of putting my big girl pants on and taking care of the problem like a good Alaska housewife, I do the next best thing.

I call my 12 year old daughter in to take care of it.

Cause I'm a good Mom, yo.

She comes into the room, rolls her eyes at my form cowering on the bed in fear and tells me that I really shouldn't let the cat eat the vole. It might get diseases or something.

"Well, if you want to take care of it, you're welcome to it" I say, bravely.

She sighs at what the world is coming to when mothers perch on their beds and won't come down, and goes upstairs and gets PAPER to sweep the now half eaten carcass of the baby elephant vole into. (UGH. ) She then very calmly takes it upstairs and throws it outside.

OK, so the title of this post is a little misleading and it didn't really eat my face. I'm pretty sure it was almost dead by the time I saw it, but YOU JUST NEVER KNOW what those evil little things are capable of. With their beady little eyes and scampering.

My daughter will make a great farm girl. Me? So far, I don't even play one on tv. If only I could get that air-walking thing down....

EggWatch 2010

2010-04-27T03:27:00.005-08:00

The hubby went to the post office on base this morning to send off two books for my paperback swap and low-and-behold there was not one, but TWO packages waiting there for me.

MY HATCHING EGGS HAVE ARRIVED!

The funny thing is, I haven't as much as seen them since my husband works in the same department (ish) as my friend who will be incubating them for me. Instead of bringing them home, it made more sense to give them directly to her to take them home to her incubator.

She called me when she was able to open the boxes and see what made it and it appears they were all packaged well and made it intact. Not only that, each seller sent extra eggs to the tune of a total of 6 goose eggs (Toulouse and African Grey) and 17 duck eggs (Grey Runner). Yee haw!

Now we wait for another week or so to candle (the farmy version of ultrasound) and check for fertility. If we get a good hatch rate on each, it will be well worth the price, including shipping, to continue to buy hatching eggs in some cases, instead of day-olds. This would especially be the case in rare breeds and stuff like turkeys, geese, guineas and pheasants. I'm crossing my fingers that it goes well and we get good growth!

Putting your eggs all in one basket...

2010-04-26T06:51:00.005-08:00

.....is easy when you only have one egg.

BUT! The GOOD NEWS is we have an egg! We've been transitioning the full-grown chickens (the Mille Fleur D'Uccles) to the outside from the garage, where they've been spending the latter part of the winter in luxury. The downside of that arrangement was that they totally stopped laying eggs.

But now they are outside, enjoying the fresh air, and bugs, and doing whatever it is chickens do when they are where they belong. When I went outside yesterday to check on them in their run, one of the hens was standing over this lovely egg. When I showed it to the girls.... you would have thought Santa Claus had personally delivered it himself.

Here's to more eggs in the immediate future and yummy, non-store bought, not-from-concentrate, farm fresh scrambled eggs!

Having an Egg-cellent Day

2010-04-22T21:21:00.007-08:00

I am feeling much better today. Thank you so much to everyone who left feedback yesterday either here or on Facebook. It's so reassuring to hear other people's stories and... as cliche' as it sounds, to know you aren't alone.

I did get a couple of really interesting bits of advice, something I will definitely be looking into, and that is a possible thyroid problem. I've been checked more than once before and they've always given me a green light, but it was brought to my attention that the medical community's definition of "normal" may not really be just that. I did a bit of Googling today and came across a medical site that had a list of symptoms that can indicate a thyroid problem. Interestingly enough, I had a minimum of 90% of the symptoms.

Food for thought.

On a different note, I've been on Ebay again. Which is a very very bad thing. But good too. Depends on who in my house you ask. I've recently discovered that you can buy HATCHING EGGS on Ebay. I probably shouldn't have been told this. But so glad I was.

A good friend of mine, and a sort of mentor all things farmy, just recently bought a really nice incubator and has been hatching all sorts of eggs. Guineas, turkeys, ducks, chickens and quail have all come out of her incubator so far this season. Me jealous? Yeah. A bit. Maybe a lot.

But the cool thing is, she's offered me incubator space for whatever I happen to pick up. Which is *so* enabling me to be very very bad. I know I said at the beginning of the season that I would only buy a few things until we got all the housing squared away... but I prefer to consider this pre-planning. Now the animals will be ready to actually LIVE in the housing by the time it's finished. Right? RIGHT??? *ahem*

So I've been on Ebay the last couple of days and have managed to pick up some Toulouse and African goose eggs and some grey Indian Runner duck eggs. The latter are the ones I'm most excited about. I've been agonized over which breed to make up the majority of my flock, and since runners are just so flippin' cool and funny to watch... well, it wasn't too hard to decide. These will hopefully also be our show ducks. It all depends on how many we can get to hatch out nice and healthy. *crossing fingers* We'd like to get some meat breed ducks as well, maybe Pekins, but I've got to hold off for a month or two on that. (or at least until I get some more money in my account! Do we really need to buy food this month???)

Here's a picture of the flock that produces the hatching eggs I picked up. Runners are by far the funniest and cutest ducks in my opinion. Well, that and Calls, which are also high on my wish list.

So many cute animals, so little time.

Depression Sucks

2010-04-21T16:26:00.008-08:00

If you've known me for very long, you know I'm quite vocal about the fact that I've been diagnosed with depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. (GAD for short... kinda like the sound that comes out of your mouth when the alarm goes off in the morning.) The reason I talk about it, is I want people to know it's OK TO. I have an illness- I'm not just having a bad hair day or hormonal or feeling sorry for myself. I have a disorder and I treat it. AND THAT'S OK. Whatever it takes to feel like a semi-sane person, I owe it to myself and my family to utilize it.

The medication I take is a low dose of Lexapro that seems to help. Most days. This last week has been one of those days. (If that makes sense to you, you may want to check with your Dr. as well...)

A vast majority of the time, I am fine, and have the energy and willpower to do what needs to get done. I even laugh, a lot. I'm grateful, and love life and feel extremely blessed for the life I lead. There's long stretches of time that I forget what it's like to be in a tail-spin and walk around the house feeling like I've got lead weights attached to my body. Then, the other shoe drops and one day I wake up and can't get out of bed. Can't do the simplest tasks. Can't really take care of my family like they deserve much less take care of myself.

I don't know what causes these episodes. Sometimes something happens that puts me in obsessive state of mind, and I find myself quickly going down to the bad place. It could be an argument with the hubby, doing or saying something stupid, not getting enough sleep... I don't know. I haven't pinned it down. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe my body just has to realign itself on occasion, and my mind checks out while that's happening.

And then I end up the zombie I've been for the past couple days. I know what's happening, obviously I can acknowledge it, but I don't know what to do to head it off at the pass, so to speak. Maybe nothing. Maybe what I'm doing (or not doing) is exactly right. Or maybe? I need to go ahead and bite the bullet and go in to talk to my doctor again about it.... if I can get off this couch, that is.

I'm not sure what my point is here, except maybe to hear from others who have depression and to get advice as to what they do when they feel themselves slipping like this. What's been your experience? Are these episodes just something that happen? Cause I've gotta say... they suck major balls.

The Apple that didn't fall too far...

2010-04-20T10:08:00.004-08:00

I don't think I've been this proud since Emily stopped wearing pull-ups at night.

I came across this card today with a Chicken Wish list written on it. It's kind of like mine, but shorter.

I think I'm feeling a bit misty-eyed...

*sniffle*

And now my EVIL PLAN is almost complete

2010-04-19T22:25:00.004-08:00

Caught the hubby looking at a book he never would have picked up a year ago. Folks, this is a big step in our relationship. I am so proud of my Jersey Boy!

Next thing he knows he's going to be using words like "incubation" and "bantams".

Baby steps...

He also tells me that he is going to build me A NEW! CHICKEN! COOP! this summer, one that is larger and hopefully easier to keep warm through the winter. I'm still in shock... and fell in love with this man all over again...

Random Cuteness

2010-04-18T23:42:00.008-08:00

Hey, she smells like food and is soft and warm.... what better place for a nappy time?

We Be Farmin' and stuff

2010-04-18T17:57:00.006-08:00

It's chick season 'round here. For us that means cute fuzzy little balls of feathers, lots of noise, mess and one irritated husband. He just doesn't understand my chicken obsession. I can't say that I blame him... except. I do.

How can you not totally adore these cute fuzzy faces???

We ordered our workhorse egging chicks from Cackle Hatchery about a month ago, and we finally got the call from the post office a week ago that they were in. It was our first experience with "mail order chicks", and I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the results. We got 25 Buff Orphington pullets and 2 cockerels of the same. All heart-wrenching adorable. Or maybe that's just me... yeah.

I know I'm a goner (or at least need to get out more), when my most fervent desires center around MUST HAVING SILKIE CHICKENS. Yes... I take medication. Thanks for asking. But seriously? These will grow up to be the best "Momma Hens", that I can use to hatch out other chickens eggs. They are, in farm-person terms, very "broody". Not in the teenage-you-are-ruining-my-life-by-not-getting-me-my-own-cellphone kind of broody, but in the sense of having a strong natural inclination towards setting on eggs instead of being more than happy to give them up for their owners breakfast. They will be my own personal egg incubators, much cheaper than buying the $150 version off of Ebay, I must say. And cuter. So now, I have four beautiful white silkies that I am so very excited to own.

These are some of the other chicks we picked up when "I swear I'm only going to Alaska Feed to pick up a waterer " and end up accidentally buying chicks while I'm there. We have 2 silver-laced Wyandottes, 1 Rhode Island Red, a few Easter Eggers and one unidentified. It was in the Polish bin, but as it is showing no signs of a top-knot, I'm doubtful. Hopefully, some of these will feather out well enough for the kiddos to show at the fair.

And, last but not least, my Mille Fleur D'Uccle Bantams. Of which the hens have stopped laying in protest of being moved from their previous owners. If you've been to our house, they are the ones that you will hear clucking and crowing IN THE GARAGE. It's just until the door to the coop gets fixed, but sleeping in on the weekends has become interesting to say the least.

That's the flock.... FOR NOW. At least, until I can get those turkeys I've been coveting for two years now. Oh yes, I will have you Royal Palm turkeys. I WILL.

Justice!

2010-04-10T16:21:00.005-08:00

There was an article in the Newsminer today that just tickled me pink. Apparently, for the first time ever in Fairbanks, an individual has been arrested for "Texting while Driving".

Finally!

It amazes me that in this day and age, when you come to a car that is weaving and driving erratically, the first thing you consider is not if they're drunk, but if they're on their cell phone. It's about time police enforced a law that has been on the books since 2008! I wish they would do it more!

The best part is, that the woman seemed more eager to go to jail than give up her phone. Lady, you have a serious problem. It just speaks to how obnoxiously plugged in we are as a culture. My children aren't even officially teens yet (if preteen-dom is a sign to come... HELP!) and already we have become the MEANEST PARENTS ON THE WHOLE PLANET because we refuse to get them a cell phone.

I know, it's abusive. Child Protective Services should do something.

But all I have to do is go to the movie theater or the mall to remind myself that my kids will be one of the only people who will be able to have real conversations... with real people. You see groups of kids standing around and I could bet you money that at least three or four of them are poking away at their cell phones instead of interacting with their friends.

Conversation... I guess it's just for old people now.

A Crisis of Faith- Part 3 But Just the Beginning...

2010-04-09T13:34:00.005-08:00

There's a lot to the story between finding that church that I loved to the present day but since this is a blog and not a novel I'll skip that.

...You're welcome.

I happened to catch a program a few days back on PBS about the Mormon religion. As I began to watch it I got drawn into the historical parts of it, of course. I love history. It wasn't really much I didn't already know, but it was a really well put together program so I kept watching. As they moved the narrative into the modern day, they interviewed quite a few members of the faith about how they believe, and how it fulfills them.

And then, it struck me. I was so envious of their certainty. They knew without a shred of doubt they were living and worshipping in the correct and appropriate way. I realized that I didn't have that. They could take a teaching on faith, with no real evidence, historic or otherwise that what a person said was the absolute truth, and base the foundation of their belief system on it. They were certain enough to base their lives on it, risk their immortal souls and those of their children.

I. Just. Can't.

I can't be so certain anymore. And I'm not sure if I ever was, or just repeating the same religious habits ingrained in me from birth.

It would be so much easier for me if I could just take everything I was taught in church and in the bible and never question anything. But no matter what, the uncertainty gnaws at me. How do I know that Christianity is the truth? How do I know it's the only way to enlightenment, peace, fulfillment and/or salvation? How do I know that the Buddhists aren't right? Or the Athiests? Or the Jews? They all believe they have the truth too. And they all have something to prove it. How do you know?

As a good friend recently said to me, "There are thousands of different types of cheese in the world, why would there only be one way to view God and worship him?". That might sound trite on the surface, but it spoke so profoundly to me. Why, indeed? We are all so different as human beings, and even according to Christian beliefs, MADE that way by God, so why would there only be one way of thinking?

I guess the part that I have a hard time reconciling is... that Christianity is, for the most part, very clear about what the price of being wrong is. I can have doubts about my faith for the rest of my life, that is my choice and free will. I can choose to call God by a different name or worship him differently. But for a Christian the price for that is very steep. And very horrific, if one chooses to ponder on it. The scriptures, as the vast majority of established churches make clear, do not give an individual much room to wiggle outside the established boundaries. You're either with us or you're against us. Black and White. Saved or Unsaved. Sucks to be you.

I'm not so sure I can subscribe to those notions anymore. I can't help but feel that for each person on this planet, there is an individual truth. You might call God "Allah" and another "Jehovah", and you'll both be right. For you. I can't believe anymore that good people will burn in Hell for believing differently. I can't believe that a loving God would really condone genocide because he liked the land someone was living on and wanted to give it to his special favorites. I don't know if I agree that if I don't give God part of my paycheck every month, that he'll be super pissed. I don't even know if I believe in the same God I use to.

There, I said it. I'm not even sure if I can label myself a Christian anymore. At least, not in the way I've always known.

At this point, I do feel very strongly that there is some sort of higher power. I don't know that we, as humans, can put an accurate face on what this higher power is, but I don't believe we're here as the result of one big cosmic "OOOPS!". There is so much about us as human beings that is so miraculous and how we fit so perfectly in an orderly and yet chaotic universe that I don't think it was an accident.

On the other hand, I think when we as humans try to define this higher power, and put it into package we can easily understand, we lose some of the beauty of the mystery of it all. I do understand the need to commune with others of similar belief systems, and identify with some sort of label, be it "Christian", "Athiest" or "Agnostic", it's a natural human inclination, but I am not sure any of those have the exact right of it. And you know what? I think that's ok.

I know many of you are wondering why I've resorted to three blogs posts that basically boil down to me not being able to identify myself as Christian anymore. But this was quite a revelation to me, and hits at the core of my very sense of self-identity. I've always been Christian. The thought of not identifying myself as such was, until very recently, unthinkable. We still live in a very predominatley Christain society, and to be honest, I have been terrified to share my doubts with even my closest friends. This ties back into the price of being wrong. They still believe, and that makes me a very misguided and errant person destined for Hell. Let the "Come to Jesus Meetings" commence.

Not only that? But if my family that now shuns me because I'm not a Jehovah's Witness gets wind of this? It will only confirm to them how lost in Satan I really am. That bugs. Although, to be honest, I'm not quite sure why it should.

My hope was to find maybe one person that may be on the same type of journey as me. And you know what? I found that person.... much much closer than I would have ever guessed. Before I had even written this last blog post, I had a very in depth conversation with this person, and they helped me achieve more clarity than I ever thought I would get. I learned that it's ok to change and evolve your belief system, even if you arrive at a place a thousand miles from where you started. And that, no matter what anyone else says, I am still a good person. If that means I'm going to Hell, I know now I'll be in good company. But hopefully, whoever is up "THERE" (if there is a there "there") understands that what I've been taught all my life just doesn't make any sense to me anymore. Hopefully they understand that however I choose to identify my faith will be to my best abilities of understanding. Hopefully.... being a good person, teaching my children sound morals, and treating people with kindness and sincerity will be enough for whatever reward is offered.

Because at this point.... that's all I've got to give.

A Crisis of Faith, Part 2

2010-04-08T17:39:00.008-08:00

It wasn't long after I arrived in Alaska that I began a search for a new church.

I tried, literally, everything. The first church I went to was the local Catholic church, which, to be quite honest, scared the crap out of me. The Catholic church was everything my JW upbringing had rallied against. The rituals, pomp and ceremony, images, reverence towards people, was not something that I could handle at that point. Now, I can see the comfort that people would find in such forms of worship, but it was too close to what I had been taught was "demonic" growing up. I went once and never went back.

What followed was a succession of other churches... Baptist (too strict), Mormon (theology too "inventive"), Lutheran (too much like Catholic) and so on. But at this point in my life, I was stretching my wings as a person, and involved in a lot of volunteering, so finding out who I was in terms of faith quickly took a back burner to other pursuits.

Fast forward a couple of years, I was married with small children and once again I felt the mantle of responsibility fall on my shoulders. Although my husband (at the time) had proclaimed during our courtship that he was extremely religious and would attend church with me, the reality after we got married was that he didn't want anything to do with church. So I felt a profound responsibility to our children to bring them up in a Godly way, having the relationship with Him that I never had growing up. At the time, I equated teaching my children a moral lifestyle with a Christian upbringing.

It wasn't just about the children though. I still had that nagging conscience instilled by years of Jehovah's Witness doctrine. I had to fill a void that a lifetime of going to the Kingdom Hall three to four times a week left. Not only that, but internally I rebelled against the notion that my JW family believed that I was 'lost to darkness'. Finding a true church home became important to preserving my own sense of self-worth.

So after attending a couple of churches, I finally attended one just mere blocks away from where I lived that became- THE ONE. From the first service, I felt at peace. I felt God. Most of the chains of expectation that were instilled in me fell away and were replace by the concept of "Grace". I finally began to understand what people meant by having a "relationship with God". Although I had heard this phrase nearly every day of my life, or at least pondered on it, I truly began to understand... or so I believed at the time.

The people I met were unlike any others I had known in a church setting. They didn't judge. They didn't look down their noses at you or put themselves on a pedestal. The Pastor and his wife were the most humble people I had met. Although I had challenges (ie- a husband who was less than supportive), I really felt like I was on the right path spiritually and that I was doing all the right things.

But that was the trap I fell into again. I was again falling into a thought process that deeds and actions are what constitute a good Christian and are the path to a good relationship with God. After awhile, I burned out. I would, at different points after this, reignite my passion for God, but it was a fire that would burn brightly, smolder and then return to ashes. It was a vicious cycle of strong faith, burnout, apathy, conscience and then return to church. Over and over again. I'm not exactly sure of the dynamics that send me into this cycle time after time, but it has become a constant theme of my adult life to date.

Part 3 coming soon...

A Crisis of Faith Part 1

2010-04-08T16:31:00.005-08:00

I have come to an interesting place in my "Walk of Faith", and it's a place I never thought I'd ever be. I'm not sure where it goes from here, or if it's just a matter of time before I figure things out. Or maybe? I'll never figure it out and I'll never find out exactly who I am religiously.

Confused? Me too. But let me try to explain.

I grew up in a very unique religious atmosphere. My family was predominately Jehovah's Witness and it wasn't just our religion of choice, it defined who we were individually and as a family. Although I appreciate the morals that were instilled in me from an early age, I do think that the doctrines and theology that my family subscribes to are not healthy or conducive to family, sense of self-worth or positive relationship with God.

We believed that everyone was going to die. Everyone that wasn't a Jehovah's Witness, that is. Everyone I went to school with, all family members who weren't in the church, teachers, neighbors, etc. If they weren't Witnesses they were doomed at the upcoming Armageddon. But just being a Witness didn't guarantee anything either. I struggled from a very early age to live up to the expectations of the church, and by extension, my Father, who was the religious head of our household.

Even as I went through the motions of everything expected of me, I doubted it would do me any good. I hated every second of going door-to-door "preaching the good news". I hated the meetings. I hated the fact that every aspect of your life was scrutinized and judged by all. God was not someone I ever had a relationship with. That was a concept that was given lip service to, but in reality, what it meant was how much you could do for the church and what image you could put forward. Faith was a checklist of items you did on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Leave one out.... and you're not as good a Christian as you should be.

Image was everything for our family. In public and at the meetings, we were the perfect family. We were the embodiment of the Christian household to everyone who cared to glance at our public facade. My father was an Elder in the congregation and was very well respected. He had responsibilities at the "assemblies" and "conventions", large regional gathering of the Witnesses. Everyone knew him and he knew everyone else. As his children we were asked to participate in "dramas"(religious plays), "demonstrations"(examples of how to door to door work), and interviews at the assemblies and conventions. We were the "it" family as far as other JW's were concerned.

Behind closed doors? Not so much. My step-mother was extremely abusive. We were regularly told how much we were hated, how stupid we were and even how ugly we were. She was hateful. My father beat us regularly with a large wooden paddle when we misbehaved. I can remember many many times I made up excuses to skip PE in school because my backside, from my mid-back to my knees, was covered in bruises and welts. I was afraid that the cops would be called and my father would get in trouble, which would make it worse for me. I spent almost every second that I wasn't doing chores in my room, as far away from my step-mother as I could get. It was very clear that we were a huge nuisance in her life. She preferred that we just stay tucked away, and heaven help us if we crossed her.

But the worse thing to me, and the part that, now, as a parent, that I can't comprehend, is that my parents love was wrapped up in my performance as a Jehovah's Witness. It was made very clear to us that to receive love and approval, we had to perform to the standards of the church. Life outside the church was one that was lonely, dark and a place that the family would not follow you. Outside only existed death and alienation from everyone and everything I had ever known.

One day, when I was a senior in high school, I had an epiphany. I knew in my heart that I was a bad, evil person. I didn't like doing all the things the church expected of me. I couldn't measure up. I was inherently evil to the core and going through the motions was a waste of both my time and God's. Why go through the motions when you're a bad person and are going to die at Armageddon anyways?

This was the thought process that prompted me to leave home and leave the church behind me. I came to Alaska to live with my Mother, who was not a JW.

This didn't end the screaming of my conscience though. I had only known the JW theology and it was not something that I could easily leave behind. Although I knew I couldn't return to that lifestyle and way of thinking, there was a deep void that needed to be filled. For me, I couldn't leave something that was every part of my life and not replace it with something else.

So I attempted to find God on my own terms.

Part 2 coming soon.....

Big Changes

2010-04-04T20:28:00.003-08:00

It's been busy. It's been crazy. But what else could one expect from a blog called Crazy in Alaska?

Big changes have altered the dynamic of our household and I really think the changes are for the better.

My last blog post had me musing about the children and the choice we had coming up of continuing homeschooling or sending them back to public school. There was a lot to recommend either side. Homeschooling for us was not a moral decision. It was reactionary based on some really awful experiences we had with the local school.

Not to say that there wasn't some really fabulous aspects to homeschooling. I loved having control over what the children learned and knowing exactly where they were academically. I felt like I, more than anyone else in the world, would best know how to use my children's strengths to help them learn, and what exactly their weaknesses were and how to work on those.

But then the idea of sending them to another local (ish) school came up, but we hedged a bit. The girls were all needing more social interaction than they were able to get in our rural area, but they were honestly afraid of starting over socially in a new school. That's so understandable. Coming from a place of profound social phobias that I sometimes have... I couldn't blame them. We had also heard a lot of bad gossip about this school. There's drugs! There's gangs! They sacrifice small animals in the basement! Well, not the last one, but we had heard a lot of really negative things about this school.

So to be fair, and really explore our choices in this, we decided to make an appointment to tour the school. To make a long story short....

We. Were. Amazed.

This school was nothing like we had been told. Strike this one up to a lesson learned. Never believe the gossip. It was everything we wanted for our kids. Programs galore. Teachers who really cared and have been with the school forever (good sign!), friendly and welcoming students, great curriculum.

As we ended our tour, the nice lady asked us when we would be starting and we told her that we would finish out the year with homeschool and start next year. She expressed her disappointment and told us how much she wished we could start now. My husband and I looked at each other and thought... "why not?"

So we did. We talked to our homeschooling program, which is a part of the same school district and they were more than happy to let us transfer. The girls started a few days later.

It's been about a month and a half, and the girls are still excited to go to school each and every day. Which is the biggest recommendation anything could have. Their schoolmates welcomed them with open arms and they fit right in. Academically they are doing wonderfully and we are already making marked progress in areas that they were struggling with at home (math).

And best of all? I'm just Mom again. The washer of socks and cleaner of dishes. I love the alone time and being able to get to the things I just didn't have time for before. Things like.... finding the floor in the office and taking back the garage from the piles of baby clothes, old toys and camping gear.

Too bad we didn't think of this sooner.

What's up in Crazytown!

2010-01-29T02:51:00.003-09:00

It's been awhile since my last blog. No, that's not a confession, but I do feel kinda bad about it. I've had so much blog-worthy stuff going on to talk about (at least to my mind, but I'm easily entertained) but the desire to write just wasn't there. It's coming back though, and even as I write this, I feel a little better in exercising a creative outlet. (Even if I'm really not creative, humor me here)

So what's been going on in Crazytown? Well, a lot and nothing. We're still homeschooling, and that seems to be creating a monotony of it's own. We had the holidays, but two of our girls were gone to visit their father, so that was a bit of a bummer. All in all, right now I just seem to be holding on by my fingernails, waiting for spring to get here. That might sound funny, but about this time every year, things just start feeling really dumpy and you start longing for sunshine, long days, birds, bees and green-ness in a starvation kind of way. Usually, I'm working, so I'm too busy to feel sorry for myself too much, but this year I have too much time spent inside my own head, so the winter blues are a little stronger.

A lot of the discussion around our campfire lately is centered around school decisions. We have a couple of options right now, including continuing with homeschooling, which I have mixed feelings about, and sending them to a school about 25 miles away, in Nenana. The bus driver lives more or less locally, and drives within 5 miles of our house. So it would be perfectly feasible for me to drive the five miles every day to meet the bus. It sounds like a lot, but would I do this every day to make sure my kids get a good education? ... oh, you betcha.

Now, as to my mixed feelings about homeschooling. Surprisingly enough, this is the direction that the girls are strongly leaning towards. Shocked the poo outta me to hear this, but they are really liking the freedom homeschooling is giving them and feeling like they are learning more. Plus? Horseback. Riding. Lessons. 'Nuff said. My mixed feelings, to be perfectly honest, are purely selfish. It is looking very likely that my dream of going back to college to get a degree will come to fruition this year, due to some laws and policies within FAFSA and the military's GI bill (I will blog about this later). It would be sooo much easier to go to school myself full time if the girls were enrolled in a brick and mortar. Yeeeeeeeees. I know this is completely selfish. But there it is. Added to that, I would really love to write. I think that when I put my mind to it, I can be a very good writer, and I have stories galore rolling around in this crazy head of mine. It's a long-shot at best to think that I will ever be published, but in the words of Wayne Gretzky... "100% of the shots you don't make, won't go in".

It's all food for a lot of thought and I still don't know what we're going to do. Added to that are a couple of other hair-brained schemes that my hubby and I have thought up amid probably too many glasses of wine that we haven't yet outright dismissed. I won't outline them here and subject any of my readers to that madness. At least, not until we really jump off the cliff and decide to actually do one of them. Then we'll all have something to talk about!

Hot Buttered Rum

2009-12-13T16:26:00.004-09:00

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!

I am so excited about this reciped I found. Usually I'm not so excited about anything that requires work, but the cheapskate in me mingles with the fluffy girl in me to love love love this recipe for delicious yummy heaven in a rubbermaid container.

Previously, we had been buying a semi-locally made (Anchorage) hot-buttered rum batter that was only available during the holidays. And that was dicey at best. It sold out quick, usually weeks before Christmas. Not only that, but it costs over $6 per container, which made me cringe every time I bought some. So as I was browsing through my new favorite website, I thought to look up a recipe for this stuff. They had several, so I went with the one with the best reviews.

After I made it, I posted a status about it on my Facebook page and had several requests for the recipe. Here it is folks! Enjoy!

Ingredients:

1pound butter

1pound brown sugar

1pound confectioners sugar

1 quart vanilla ice cream, softened

1tablespoon ground nutmeg

1teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions:

1. Melt butter in a large pot over medium heat. Blend in brown sugar and confectioners' sugar. Remove from heat, and whisk in the ice cream, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Pour mixture into a plastic container, seal, and freeze. (The directions didn't say this, but I'm assuming you take it out and put it in the fridge a day or two before you plan on using it.)

2. In a coffee mug, measure 1 tablespoon(ish) Hot Buttered Rum Batter and 1(or more, I won't tell!) fluid ounce of rum , then fill cup with boiling water (I use coffee instead of water, you can also use hot apple cider). Stir, and sprinkle top of drink with nutmeg.

Back on the Pill.... No, not that one!

2009-12-01T11:22:00.006-09:00

Those of you who know me also know that I've been fighting a demon for several years now, called Depression. I've probably needed some form of help for many years but it wasn't until I started developing horrible fits of anxiety that I finally got the courage to talk to my doctor about it. It wasn't easy. You can read about some of that HERE.

I was on a low dose of Lexapro for quite awhile, and it was working wonderfully for me. I was one of the lucky ones who hit a pharmaceutical home run on the first swing, and although I still had little struggles, I felt completely in control of my life.

About six months ago my doctor suggested I try weaning myself off of the meds to see if, in his words "My system has reset itself and the medications are no longer needed." It appears that this happens to people, they only need the meds for a period of time, the body chemistry realigns and the individual can eventually leave the anti-depressants behind.

Honestly, when I was first approached about it my first reaction was to want to run out of the office screaming in terror. The thought of sliding back into that black cloud wasn't something I ever wanted to do. Ever. But as time went on the idea stuck with me and I decided to try. I talked to Aaron about what I wanted to do, so that he was aware of the reason why I might turn into a evil hydra monster and could make sure I get back on the path I need to be.

So for two months I tried life without the Lexapro, and yesterday I went back to the doctor to request a refill. I'm not as bad as I once was, but I can feel myself sliding back into a bad place and not only do I deserve a better quality of life than that, my family deserves better from me. I have come to terms with the fact that I may just be on this medication for the rest of my life, and you know what? That's ok with me. I am not ashamed. At one time I felt as if depression was a gimmick used by pill companies to sell more product. Now, this far into my journey, I realize that with a little help of chemistry, I can live a fuller and more productive life. Medication doesn't change who I am, depression did.

My name is Alaena, and I don't suffer from Depression.... I treat it.

Remember our Troops this holiday season!

2009-11-29T17:43:00.004-09:00

It may seem a little early to think about mailing out Christmas cards, but this project may be the perfect start to the Christmas season and bring some well deserved cheer to one of our soldiers, veterans or their families.

Click the link above to visit the Red Cross's Holiday Mail for Heroes site. Not only can you send cards, you can send gifts of much-needed items for the troops. Don't delay though, to ensure all cards and gifts make it to their destination, they must be to the PO box listed by December 7th.

These individuals have given so much for our country, I think this is a great way for all of us to show we are thankful!

Newest Additions

2009-11-29T13:36:00.005-09:00

Aaron had to make a trip back home to New Jersey for two weeks for family reasons this month. As much as I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman capable of any feats of skillful parenting, I'd have to say I almost lost my mind those two weeks. Yes, I make a terrible military wife. I know we're suppose to be able to manage on our own for long periods of time, but me? Not so much. Just between you me and the lampost, I'm afraid I may be slightly co-dependent. Let's agree to not mention that tidbit ever again.

Happily, us gals all managed to make it through the two weeks relatively unscathed. Homeschooling was hit and miss, and I don't think I made it out of my pajamas much, but the house is still standing and we're all still alive. What more can you ask for? And at the end of the deal, when Aaron finally made it home, we were brought two wholly unexpected surprises....

Get ready for an attack of the CUTES-

Meet Daisy, our little black and white Lhasa Apso. I've been wanting one for myself since I first visited a friends house awhile back and met her pack of LA's. They are just so cute, and the perfect size and full of personality!

And this is Stewie, our white and brown Lhasa Apso. He is utterly adorable, although not show quality because of his different colored eyes. Which, duh, makes him all the more gorgeous! He's got a great personality and isn't afraid of anything it seems. I think he thinks he's bigger than he really is!

So now my husband is the hero of our house, and the King of Giftgiving. Move over Santa!

Self Doubt

2009-11-25T08:22:00.003-09:00

If you suffer from self-doubt in your homeschooling adventure, I would recommend reading this blog article at Heart of the Matter Online- "Self Doubt-Get Out!"

It was just what I needed to read right now, and has got me thinking about the future of homeschooling in my house. More on that later.

Switcheroo

2009-11-25T06:39:00.003-09:00

I've done a little shuffling around when it comes to our homeschooling here, and after a trial run of two weeks, I wanted to share the change I made.

Lauryn had started the school year out with Calvert kindergarten curriculum, which I love love love. If you haven't read the review I wrote a few months ago, check it out. This curriculum is great, especially if you are a new homeschooling Mom like me with no idea what you're doing or where to start. It's a wonderful complete curriculum and I've loved using it.

That being said, Lauryn and I have struggled through it for one reason only. She's not at Kindergarten level. I thought to start her out with that, and race through it as review, until she got to the level of work that's appropriate, but we've both ended up bored out of our minds with no real challenge. Skipping ahead for each individual subject just ended up confusing with the way the lessons are layed out. Since we ordered this through her homeschool, and it's not like I can send it back for a refund, I've put it aside and started a new program that I plan on using just through the end of the year.

I came across an ad a couple weeks ago for "Time4Learning" and remembered researching it briefly during my search for a curriculum. I had worried about eyestrain so I had ultimately passed it up. So I went back to the site and poked around and ultimately signed Lauryn up. The cost for one child is less than $15 a month, no hidden fees or costs. It's all online so there's nothing else to buy.

So far, she is LOVING it. I've been able to pick the exact point she's at in reading and math and go directly to it with no fuss whatsoever. She loves the games and the characters and there is little pressure on my part every day for her to do her schoolwork. My plan is to continue this curriculum through the end of the school year and then rethink my strategy next year for our choices. I've thrown out the Calvert "Lesson Plan Book" and we're still using pieces and parts of Calvert to supplement the areas that Time4Learning doesn't address. With Time4Learning, she is at the beginning of 1st grade for Reading and halfway through Kindergarten with math. Obviously, she needs something a little more tailored to her abilities in each separate subject. This was my mistake with Calvert, I'm pretty sure they offer testing and can somewhat customize the levels, but silly me, I didn't do it thinking I knew what to do. If nothing else, we're going to have to put a lot more thought to customizing her work.

That being said, I don't think I would go with Time4Learning as a complete curriculum all year long with no supplementing. It doesn't seem, well, complete. It does have science, but what I've seen so far it seems pretty basic. Calvert has me spoiled at how above and beyond they go to make sure they cover a wide variety of subjects and themes.

The other two are still doing great with their Calvert schoolwork, and I am very pleased. They do wish they had more computer time, but I really like the idea of having schoolbooks rather than staring at a screen all day, so it works well for me. I have cut down the amount of math they have to do every day, since I think the assigned amount is a bit much for us. I want to know they understand the concept and can show they've learned it. Several pages of work ended up being a bit discouraging for the girls, so I pared it down to just the textbook problems, which is a whole textbook page in and of itself. Plenty.

Lesson learned this year- Don't be afraid to make changes and adjust schooling to what fits YOUR family!

What I am Thankful For

2009-11-25T06:23:00.002-09:00

It's that time of year folks, but now, more than ever, I need a reminder of why I should stop whining about what I don't have and start being grateful for what I do.

I am thankful for my husband, who lives every day with my craziness and yet still loves me like mad.

I am thankful for my children, who are loving, smart, unique and will grow up to be dynamic adults.

I am thankful for my freedom, which my fellow Americans have fought and died for since before we were a country. I am grateful to live in a country that especially as a female I am allowed an education, career and the freedom to make decisions for myself.

I am thankful for the choice to homeschool and the freedom to do so legally. (Even when my children are driving me crazy with whining over math problems!)

I am thankful for the roof over my head, even when it drives me off a cliff that the spare bathroom isn't fixed four years after it broke....

I am thankful that my parents religious decisions no longer control mine, and that my children can grow up mentally healthy and assured of my love for them. (this is a future blog post!)

I am thankful my husband has a good job that is secure!

I am thankful for my friends who love me for who I am and turn a deaf ear when I say something entirely stupid or inappropriate.

I am thankful to be able to bring my children up in a rural area where they can climb trees, build forts and raise chickens.

The list could go on and after I post I will probably think of more I should have written. I am thankful for so much in my life, but I don't spend nearly enough time reflecting on what I *do* have. What are you thankful for?

Sometimes it's all about ME

2009-11-10T00:57:00.004-09:00

Especially since coming home to homeschool my kiddos, I've made it a point to do things that are totally frivolous but make me feel so much better about myself. Things like pedicures once or twice a month and getting my nails done every other week. You'll find these things listed in our family budget under "Mom's Mental Health Fund". I liked doing these before, when I was still working, but now more than ever it seems so important for me to go out and do little things for myself and keep me from feeling like a frumpy House Frau.

So, along these same lines, I recently got my hair done in a new, sassy do, including coloring and highlighting. It was a pretty penny (which I won't list here in case my hubby is reading and has a heart attack) but totally worth it.

Be it manis, pedis, massages or that new chainsaw you've been eyeing (this IS Alaska!) Girls, don't forget to do something for yourself REGULARLY... you are so worth it!

Crazy Busy... or is it Busy Crazy???

2009-11-05T21:26:00.004-09:00

If you promise not to laugh, I'm totally going to admit something to you. When my hubby and I were first discussing me coming home from working and homeschooling the children I thought: "Cool! Now I can RELAX! Things will calm down and I can actually be home long enough to clean my house and not just dirty it!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I crack myself up about that. I can't believe that's what I really thought would happen! From day 1 of hitting the ground with homeschooling during the summer it's been run run run! Run to town, run to Anchorage, run to this, that and the other thing!

This past two weeks has been no different. When I got sick with the gallbladder icks, my overriding thought (other than "GAAAAAHHHH!") was: "I don't have time for this!". So now I'm running behind, trying to get caught up on the housecleaning, laundry and homeschooling, which all immediately fell by the wayside. On top of that, we've had a bunch of Halloween activities which were (I will admit) a welcome distraction from everything else going on.

Here's a little bit of that:

Aaron at a family party a friend and I put on. He was a Rasta/Reggae guy. I dunno what the official name of it was. I'm pretty sure that haircut's not regulation soldier!

Lauryn at the Base family party. She was a cowgirl this year, the first one to pick out her costume.

All three girls at the base party. Haley's costume was called "Dark Empress". She was quite taken with the hoop skirt until she had to try to sit down in it. Then it wasn't as cool anymore. Emily was a cat.... Second year running. Last year was a brown cat though, so I suppose it was different, but what ever makes her happy!

Then we went trick or treating in Fairbanks. In Alaska, this means bundling the children up beyond recognition so that none of their costume can be seen. We somewhat get around that by adding fairy wings to coats and kitty ears to winter hats. Add handwarmers in the gloves and Mom following along in a warm vehicle that can be used to warm up in and- Boom! Trick-or-Treating Alaska Style!

Believe it or not, if I'm missing something lately, it's not my mind...

2009-10-29T08:01:00.004-08:00

As you probably already gathered from a previous post, I had a little work done. No, not the nose, as I actually like to be able to breathe from it and find it's non-perfection completely ok.

I had a little gallbladder work done, as in, they ripped that sucker out!

This has been a long time coming, probably since my last pregnancy. I would have pain and pressure high up on the right side of my stomach, sometimes waking me up in the middle of the night and sending me to the couch where I would sit for hours just waiting for relief to come. No medications ever worked for me, I could down Maalox by the buckets, it seemed that the only cure was time, as the symptoms would generally come down to a dull roar within a couple hours.

Fast forward to earlier this year and uncomfortable late night dates with the couch turned into fits of agony. I couldn't tell you the first time it happened, but the uncomfortable bloaty feeling turned into full blown gut twisting pain that would last for half a day or more. Usually after a greasy meal, (My Captain Obvious Clue #1!) these attacks always happened at night and I would have to pace the floor because it just hurt to much to lay down or sit. I had been to the clinic a couple times about it, and even the ER once, but no one seemed much inclined to tell me much except to give me pain pills and a pat on the head and send me home.

Fast forward again to a little over a week and a half ago, the night of my daughters birthday party where I consumed some pretty evil pizza. (But it tasted SO GOOD!) That night had me up out of bed, sick as a dog and in wicked pain. After 12 hours the pain didn't give up so I told my husband he either needed to update my will soon or take me to the ER. Since he hates paperwork he opted to take me to the ER.

Since we're military, out of habit we went to the military hospital up in Fairbanks. I had been there earlier in the year for another weird thing that happened, (involving my tubes and infection, I won't get too graphic) and had a great experience. This time, not so much. They drugged me up, lectured me about eating pizza, gave me some antacids and let me go with the directions that they were going to schedule an ultrasound to see if it was my gallbladder. But, the Doctor was quick to say, she didn't think so, based on... and then I heard "Quack quack quack" as the meds they gave me started to take effect.

The pain did go down for the most part, but I still couldn't eat. The hospital never called about the ultrasound so I finally did 3 days later. That was a runaround that finally ended with something to the effect of - "Oh, and our Ultrasound tech is going to be out until the second week of November, is that ok?"

Because we live in a remote area, we have special military insurance coverage which allows us to go to any doctor or hospital we wish. So instead of waiting I instructed them to refer it out to the local community hospital. I was told I would get a call early the next week.

That night I started feeling better so I ate a little meal. No, really, it was little, but the way it hit my system you would have thought I had eaten a trough of poison. I was back in pain which progressively got worse and worse until, oh HI! - My good friends "Pain" and "Agony", back again for another stab.

So, back into the ER, this time to the "Civilian" one. Blood test, ultrasounds, physical exams..... Guess what? My gallbladders shot and produced and overlarge stone to boot! They tell me they're taking that puppy out, along with the gallbladder itself, how about in an hour? And since I wasn't exactly feeling up to other activities, say like, breathing, at the moment, I agreed heartily.

So they rushed me into surgery within an hour of the ultrasound and I am happy to now say that I am much much improved. I've lived with this pain for so long (ok, it SEEMS like a long time!) that I can't imagine being without it. I am actually excited for my surgery scars because it means maybe now I can eat a piece of pizza without feeling like death is imminent. I'm sore and still can't eat a lot (not like I couldn't stand to miss a meal or two if you get my drift) but I am so glad it's been resolved, and that someone, FINALLY, could give me a good answer as to what was wrong. And now? I'm just trying to take it easy and stretch out my doctor mandated rest time as long as possible. It's not every day the husband willingly does the laundry and cooks all the meals afterall!

I'm the Mom, that's why!

2009-10-29T07:14:00.003-08:00

A few things have been rolling around in my skull this week about homeschooling. I'm not even sure I have the exact words to fully express my thoughts on this but here goes anyways. If all else fails I'll blame the post-surgery medication.

We as Moms and parents in general have a lot of pressure these days. Everyones got an opinion on what makes a good parent. Media distorts the vision of good parenting and family life until it looks nothing like reality. (I call this "Disney Reality") Well-intentioned friends and relatives tells us what we should and shouldn't do with our children. School administrators toss around every new educational gimmick and catch-phrase du jour as if your child's very life depends on them being a part of every new educational fad. If you're a reader like myself, everywhere you turn you'll see someone trying to tell you that how you're doing it is ALL WRONG, and your destroying your child's very essence/self esteem/passion for learning/capability of having a normal future.

I've even seen this influence within the homeschooling community itself. For the most part, I've encountered very wonderful and helpful individuals who are more or less sharing their experiences to help those who just need to know they aren't alone. These people have been LIFESAVERS for me! I've devoured their wisdom and helpful advice like a starving person at a twinkie seminar. There are so many wonderful ideas out there and I'm so grateful to much of the "Mommy Blogging" community for sharing their world with us.

And then....... there are the "Homeschooling Nazis". Bad choice of verbiage maybe, but I think you know who I'm talking about.

I've got to hand it to them, they are very self-assured and confident about their choices, which I love, but some individuals can be very insistent that their way is the only way to happy, healthy, well-adjusted and educated children. I find this to be more than a little hypocritical and non-productive.

Many of us are fighting the good fight just to have the right to homeschool at all. And the process can be fraught with emotional perils: uncertainty, administrative pressure, pressure from friends and family, confusion etc etc etc. To make anyone feel that they are DOING IT ALL WRONG when they are in a turbulent and often misunderstood situation in the first place can do more damage than good.

There are about as many homeschooling methods as homeschoolers out there. Just as I would like my choice to homeschool be respected with the knowledge that I am doing what is right for my children, whom I love and adore and want the best for. Just the same I would like my choice of methods to be respected. If someone does traditional homeschooling with textbooks and manuals, I would hope they receive the same respect as someone who gives a much freer approach through, say, unschooling. And vice versa.

I think the badge of honor need not be in how you choose to homeschool (or if you do at all!), but in the certainty that you are doing what works best for your family and what is right for them and your own sanity. The choice to homeschool is the honorable one, and I for one will stand by anyone who makes an informed educational decision for their children, no matter what that is.

What I want my message to be, (if I have one!) is that no matter what you do, as long as it is best for YOUR family, don't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong! Even if your approach changes over time, THAT'S OK. Even if it's not perfect every day, THAT'S OK, even if some days you doubt yourself, THAT'S OK. Let your story be YOUR OWN, not what someone else tells you it should be.

With much love and admiration for homeschooling and non-homeschooling Mamas out there!

Oh the Pain! Part Deux

2009-10-28T03:41:00.004-08:00

Open letter to my Gallbladder:
It's not me, It's you. No really, I know that seems backwards, but you've been causing me a lot of pain lately, and now we're gonna have to break up. I'm so sorry but it's just not working out anymore and I'd like to see other people. Like an occasional slice of pizza, or even a sandwich with cheese. When you brought the overweight stone over to visit without my permission? That was the last straw.

I hate to break it to you like this, but I've changed the locks and your stuffs out on the lawn. I'm moving on with my life, without you.

Our Fantasies and Realities of Homeschooling

2009-10-28T02:18:00.011-08:00

As a way of updating on our progress in homeschooling, I have a few pictures I'd like to share that are more or les symbolic of our process of settling into the reality of homeschooling.

You know how it starts, with unrealistic images and fantasies as to what homeschooling will be like and how organized and accomplished we will all be in no time.

Instead what we're finding is that the reality is a whole lot messier and disorganized, and nothing symbolyzes that as much as I think our "Homeschool Shelf" does.

Here is a picture of it before we started, right after our Calvert curriculum arrived. *sigh*, It look so nice and clean and shiny...

Lauryn's shelf was neat as a pin and full of hope and promise of blissfull days around the dining table...

Now the reality of homeschooling is a bit more like the condition of our shelves. It's all there, and getting done, but it's chaotic and messy. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of fun stuff crammed on these shelves, and some pretty darned good work, but good luck finding it all!

Haley's shelf usually looks even worse than this.... This was on a good day, the books were all upright today and mostly there, not spread throughout the living room and table.

You may have noticed though, one shelf that is in glaring contrast to the rest and one that Emily made a point of getting a picture of:

I don't know what happened with her shelf, but it has been like this the whole time. Coming from the child who could lose a small animal in the messy cavern she calls a room, this is amazing.

Well, ok, so things are not as organized as I'd like, you know, in general. But we're surviving, and I think in the midst of this colossal learning process? That's about all we can ask for!

Food Distractions and Monkey Platters

2009-10-22T19:54:00.005-08:00

Since the start of our homeschooling journey one thing has been a consistent problem for us. Distractions. Distractions are these wonderful things that can stretch 10 math problems into a 2 hour saga.

We have a few distractions at our house that tempt and lure the children away from their schoolwork the minute I turn my back. One is the Guinea Pigs, which call to be held and petted at all hours. I can sort of deal with this, as the cages can be moved when the temptation gets to be too much. Another is the bathroom, which is a mystery to me. How can it be that children can sit 4 hours straight playing video games and watching movies, but have a reoccurring attack of nature every 15 minutes when doing Language Arts? This may be the discovery science is looking for. No more prescribing laxatives! Just assign two pages of Spelling! That ought to do the trick!

Anyways, I digress. Our biggest distraction by far is neither of the above, but FOOD. They always want/need/will die in the next 10 minutes if they don't have a snack or a meal or something. I tried to just limit and schedule mealtimes and snack times but it always seemed like their minds were focused on when the next snack was. I didn't know what to do about this until I stumbled across this SITE.

Then, I had an epiphany of sorts. Monkey Platters! The perfect compromise to a problem I haven't been able to find a solution to. The premise of Monkey Platters is a family had visited the zoo one day, and had noticed trays of a variety of cut up foods being fed to the monkeys. The mother of this family had an idea and went home and made snack trays for her family not too unlike the ones the monkeys had. Pieces of fruits, vegetables, goodies, pretzels... you name it. If it fit on the tray it was fair game. And I thought- Perfect! Why not make Monkey Platters for my girls while they are working, hence taking away that distraction of always wanting/needing food/snacks. It's right there and available for them to graze on as they get their work done.

Even with best laid plans and intentions, often time the reality is much different from what one intended. So I did a test run about a week ago. It looked like this-

I had just bought a nifty lazy-susan from Sams Club, intended to use on taco night (which it'll be SO PERFECT FOR). So, I brought it out on the table and filled it with stuff from the fridge and cabinet, with a mind towards not being terribly unhealthy. Pretzels, apples, strawberries, goldfish crackers, meat rolls and beef sticks filled the outer sections, with peanut butter and ranch in the middle for dipping. Needless to say, they LOVED the Monkey Platter. Now, that's not to say that it was a success because the ultimate goal of this was to lessen distractions, right? Well, on that note, I have to say it was a success as well. I was worried that this would become a WHOLE NEW distraction, but I'm happy to say after a week of test-driving, the children are in their chairs much more than before, and are finding less reasons to wander around anywhere but where their books happen to be. We did have to lay some ground rules along the lines of sharing and taking only your portion, but the girls are so eager to keep this going that they are going above and beyond to be cooperative.

So, for now, Monkey Platters are here to stay- thank you so much to Sandra Dodd for this cute idea!

BEST. WEBSITE. EVER.

2009-10-22T00:43:00.003-08:00

Why didn't someone tell me about this sooner????

Maybe cause they knew I'd spend a whole day like today ignoring chores and pouring through a virtual library of books. Yeah, not that I'm regretting that or anything.

It's a Nationwide Paperback Book Swap ya'll, I can't even type those words without getting goosebumps. Check it OUT!

I'm in heaven.....

Someone said it much better than I could

2009-10-20T18:56:00.002-08:00

And incidentally, I came across this article immediatley after posting mine, and she said it better!

Find the article: "The Million Dollar Question: What About Socialization"- HERE

The "S" Word, My Version

2009-10-20T17:27:00.004-08:00

Every homeschooling blog has a post about this at some point, and I feel my time has come. It's been coming up in conversation a lot lately, that "S" word of Homeschooling, Socialization.

Ok, Ok, I admit, before I homeschooled I too imagined homeschoolers as a bunch of weird kids with blank faces who never left their houses and sat reading the bible all day. They were awkward and backwards, and didn't experience life much beyond their front door. Right? RIGHT?

Well, no, not so much. I guess you do have those horror stories. Usually the ones that end up in the news. Not too long back, we had a big story here in Alaska of Papa Pilgrim, a homesteader who isolated his family and abused them horrifically. Papers made quite a point initially to point out the children were homeschooled, further adding to the idea that homeschoolers were not a normal part of society.

Even as we were making the decision to homeschool, the vision of socially awkward children was what I carried with me, and it made both my husband and I reluctant to even consider it. Which is a shame, because what I know now breaks every stereotype I carried with me.

This is the reality for us, and my friends can attest. We are always out of the house. There's 4H, with it's shows, meetings and get-togethers. Various lessons like horseback riding and Tae Kwon Do (haven't started these yet but it's on the roster, been too busy!). My kids still have their school friends over and even visit friends they've had for years that live in different towns. We have continuous activities on base that they attend, like Family Movie Nights and the "X-Box Nights" that my husband and a friend run. We have things coming up that I don't even know how we'll fit into our schedule. Meetings, outings, competitions, shows, social events.... and on and on. And the thing is? This is the life of a typical homeschooler. So full of a various assortment of learning experiences and social activities that most families have to cut back in order to ensure they get their regular "school work" done.

One of the biggest advantages is that the socialization they receive is more appropriate developmentally, and for their self esteem. They get to be with other like minded youth who care about what they care about. They can learn good qualities from each other, as it's my experience that the kiddos involved in the activities we do have a good work ethic. Gone are the cliques and bullies. It's sad to me to say that children should be forced to deal with these elements of a public school setting, as the only thing it does for the child is destroy their self esteem.

My husband and I are discovering that learning can be a lifestyle, and that it brings us in contact with many different people and into unique learning situations. This is the distinct advantage to the educational track we've chosen for our kids. We can offer them so much more, for the world is a buffet of experiences, and we now have to opportunity and time to feast from it.

Oh the pain!

2009-10-19T14:44:00.004-08:00

I had a not-so-fun day yesterday. No, scratch that, let's just go ahead and lay it out there and say I had a hellish day to beat all hellish days.

I woke up at about 3 o'clock in the morning to a pretty severe pain in my upper right stomach. I'm pretty familiar with this pain. I've had it before, and went to the emergency room where they told me it was most likely gall stones. Oh joy. So, the night before being my daughters birthday party, of COURSE there was pizza and of COURSE I partook of said pizza. Much to the detriment of my stomach.

So as I said I woke up with this pain that I know all too well and immediately took some naproxen, hoping to just get through it with as little pain as possible. I slept a little, in between fits of agony and vomiting (TMI- I know!) and finally, around noon I had to wake up my hubby who had just gotten home from work a few hours before to tell him I think I needed to see a doctor.

For us, this isn't as easy as it sounds. We do have a clinic on base out here, but it is staffed by Nurse Practitioners, who are wonderful, but especially with the limited equipment they have, they can only do so much and for anything more than colds, flus and rashes, generally send you into Fairbanks for diagnosis and treatment. Like I said, they are wonderful, but limited.

So with it being a Sunday, and knowing that they would send us up to Fairbanks anyways, we decided to cut out the middle man and went straight to town. Which meant a tortuous trip in a car where my husband hit every pothole and took every corner on two wheels. My eyes were closed but you would not be able to convice me otherwise by the way it felt.

So into the ER, it wasn't busy thank goodness, so I was able to get into a bed right away. They proceeded to blow every vein in my hands and arms trying to get an IV in, but hey, who needs veins anyways?!? Finally found one in my right hand near the pinky knuckle. Awkward but it worked. Xrays, several drugs that I have no idea of, and a couple hours later they tell me they have no idea what's wrong with me but they're going to send me home and order an ultrasound. I barely remember this part since whatever they gave me earlier is gooooooood stuff and I think my eyes were pointing in different directions.

I *think* I signed a paper and wandered out to the waiting room to find my ride gone. (went to Walmart for supplies in case we ended up staying, I find out later) The only thing I know is at some point he found me and I ended up in my bed at home. In between that? No clue. I hope it didn't involve disrobing and dancing on tables. I would have hated to not remember that.

So, long story short, I feel much better now, but I am tired of being in pain and I really don't think I can do another day like yesterday. I read my discharge paperwork and it looks like they are ordering an ultrasound in the next 24 or so hours, so hopefully that happens sooner than later and I'll have some answers that we can move forward on!

Our Stanleys Went to Austrailia

2009-10-19T14:16:00.002-08:00

How cool is that? Also very unfair since I've wanted to go there since forever and now Stanleys get to go first! Anyhoo- I hear they had fun- Check it out!

Thank you Kylie for the update!

No, we didn't fall off the end of the earth...

2009-10-15T22:28:00.009-08:00

Whew! It's been a busy busy couple of weeks! If I wasn't going somewhere, I was making plans to go somewhere, or coming back from said "somewhere". Here's some of what we've been up to!

We recieved our second set of Stanleys from Susan, Jeremy and Christian in Texas and decided to take them on our trip to Anchorage to see The Lion King. Here's a picture of them just a little north of Cantwell:

This is what much of the scenery is like between us and Anchorage... it makes a nice trip!

We stayed at Elmendorf Air Force Base in Anchorage. While driving around we noticed this enclosure with two Bald Eagles, our National Symbol. Apparently the base is rehabilitating these wonderful guys!

We stopped in Wasilla, one my old stomping grounds and incidentally, the home of former Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin. Wasilla has grown so much in the past ten years, that is it hardly recognizable from the small town I knew when I lived in the area!

The reason for our trip was we had tickets to see a Broadway performance of "The Lion King" at the Atwood Concert Hall in Anchorage. Here, the girls are sitting waiting for Daddy, who left something in the car and had to go back for it. Mommy declared she was not going back up all those stairs in heels so we found a place to sit and wait.

The enterance to Atwood Concert Hall. It's suprising how much culture Anchorage has. There is always an abundance of performances, both big and small going on. In fact, while waiting for Aaron to pick up our tickets from Will Call, I learned that the broadway performance of Chicago is going on (LOVE! LOVE!) and the Anchorage Concert Association has a showing of the Wizard of Oz. I think we must bring the girls back for that one! I'm thinking a Girls Weekend Out for Chicago is in order!

The girls posing in front of the display of the Cast of Performers

Waiting not-so-patiently. I think they just didn't know what to expect with this one. I've been dragging them around to plays and performances since they were babies... some hits, some not so much.

Of course photography wasn't allowed during the performance but let this picture be a testiment to the WONDERFUL time they had! I don't think any of them blinked for the whole first hour at least and a week later, they are still talking about it! Here are Haley and Lauryn, who hardly made it out of the parking lot before they were out like a light!

We also did a couple other activities, like H2Oasis, a HUGE indoor waterpark and a must-stop on our trips to Anchorage. Also was Chucky Cheese, Title Wave Books *drool* and some mall stomping. Being in civilization again is a wonderful thing, but I was so glad to be home!!!

National Novel Writing Month

2009-09-29T00:47:00.003-08:00

Ok... so this year I'm getting involved in something REALLY crazy, and I'm blaming it all on my friend... let's call her Bunny.

It's called NaNo WriMo, which is short for National Novel Writing Month. How does that equate to craziness? Because there is a group of writers all over the US who join a challenge in the name of NaNo WriMo to WRITE A NOVEL in the month of November.... or, write 50,000 words, whichever comes first. Last year, over 119,000 writers participated in the challenge, including my friend Bunny.

I keep talking big about writing a book, and Bunny, probably tired of hearing me be all talk and no action, suggested getting involved in NaNo WriMo this year. So, since I probably have nothing better to do in the month of November, aside from cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, holidays and kids activities, decided to sign up and commit myself to 50 THOUSAND *gulp* words in the month of November.

As if that wasn't crazy enough, Bunny let me know that there is also a Young Writers Program during November, and of course it would be perfect for our kiddos to do. I am really excited about that part of it, and it is low pressure as they get to set their own goals and the focus will be on quantity, not quality. I know, this sounds a bit backwards from the way most kids are taught to write, but the goal is to write as much as possible without being bound by any rules. They get to take risks and write whatever they want to write about, however they want to write about it.

So, if you've ever even thought about writing a book, this is just the opportunity you need to get started. To find out more, check out NaNo WriMo's website, and let me know if you take the challenge! I'd love to have some bloggy writing buddies!

Bunny, if my brain falls out in November, I'm making you personally responsible for picking it back up and pushing it back in my head!

Our First Cavy Show

2009-09-27T20:24:00.004-08:00

Since we are homeschooling, finding activities outside of the house are more important that ever. We use to spend a lot of time at the school doing activities there, but now our interests are running more to 4H and animal-ish arena, which actually suit our girls much better than sports-type we had done before. Previously, I felt like I was pulling teeth to get them involved in extra-curricular activities, now... all I have to do is say the word and they're all over it like white on rice.

So our 4H leader, who has been our mentor in all things cavy and animal related, gave us the invite to a cavy/rabbit show going on up in North Pole this weekend. We love our Guinea Pigs, starting with our first, Mitchy, whom Emily got last year for her birthday. Since then, we've slowly been getting involved in the world of showing and breeding. Breeding on a small scale though, since we never want to get to the point where they aren't first and foremost our pets who get plenty of love an attention. Plus? We have enough work to do trying to get the house remodeled without having to build something else for our animals. Not that I wouldn't, but I think we need to quit adding to our "To-Do" list.

So we attended out first Cavy show, and did pretty well all said and done. We learned so much, and even managed to win a couple of ribbons in the process, so the whole family is more than thrilled.

The girls were all able to get a lot of information about their pigs and picked up a lot of terminology.

Four of our pigs were shown, including Scout, our Golden Solid American shown here with the judge.

The person I was the most impressed with was my hubby, Aaron, who has been dragged kicking and screaming into this whole thing. I think during the show he finally "got" it, as far as why the girls and I are so excited about the cavy's and what our plans are. After the show, I almost fell out of my chair when he used words like "breeding program". We're slowly getting him to our way of thinking!

One of the best things about the show was the way our 4H leader, Ms. Beth, got the kiddos involved in helping with the show process. Especially Emily and Haley were happy to help run pigs back and forth and get stalls filled.

The ribbons we won were Best of Variety and Best Opposite Sex in Variety. Not exactly prestigious, but great for first timers who started out with a couple of pets!

I'm so glad our first show is done and now we can feel like we know what we're doing... somewhat. Now we can't wait 'til the next one!

Holy Airline Miles Batman!

2009-09-24T14:28:00.006-08:00

Our Flat Stanleys are headed to Australia! Our Stanleys just finished up an exciting stay in New York and I just found out that they are packing their bags for the Land Down Under. How cool is that!?! I can't wait to see what they get to see and do while they're there! LauraLee and Joseph, our wonderful New York hosts, don't currently have a blog, so LauraLee graciously agreed to let me post her pictures of our Stanleys time with them.

The Stanleys arrive safe and sound. I'm a little jealous of the flowers, mine are long gone after our early frost!

One day they went to Kung Fu with Joseph, I'm sure they learned a lot!

Then they went to a birthday party... I hear they got new outfits! We love the flag... we are a very patriotic family!

One tried to ride a scooter, but he was too small!

This is my favorite picture!!! We're told this was their favorite activity... hanging out on a pirate ship! I can totally believe that!

The stanleys enjoyed playing outside and one day they spotted a very new, tiny turtle on the road that wanted to play too!

And then they read them some of their favorite books!

Thank you Joseph and LauraLee for showing our Stanleys such a fantastic time!

The Homeschooling Blahs

2009-09-22T21:08:00.003-08:00

I've been reluctant to post any updates on our homeschooling adventure in the past couple of weeks. It may be because I haven't had the time, and it may be because the adventure feels more like a barefoot hike through the Amazon with an infected spider bite and malaria.

Well, not quite that bad. Maybe with shoes.

I think I may be guilty of homeschool envy. One of the first things I did when I started this whole process was hop on the internet and read read read. Thats how I am. One night a friend and I were talking about adoption (no, we aren't considering) and the rest of the night I spent teary eyed reading stories of children all over the US who need foster homes. I can't help it, I'm one of those people on the Bing! commercials with search info overload.

At first I didn't find a lot in the way of up close and personal experiences of the homeschooling family. The odd book here and there, but my ADD didn't permit me to just order a book that would take two weeks to get to my house or wait until I drove into town. (80 miles remember) Which led me to the Mommy Blogging World.

And then! This whole world opened up to me of fresh faced and well socialized beautiful children who daily (and happily!) spent their days around the dining room table (or in real-life homeschool rooms!) learning with hand assembled curriculum tools and painting and crafting and eating cupcakes shaped like clowns. Oh joy! Oh bliss! Why yes! I want to be a part of that!

So then, a few months later, I'm sitting in the same pj set I've worn for the past two days with a coffee stain on it from the first five minutes I was wearing it, fighting with my 9 year old about if it's appropriate to start 9 sentences in a 10 sentence paragraph with the word "And". One of many many fights with both her and her older sister.

AND- I wondered, what was wrong with this picture? (That was irony right there, in case you missed it.) Absent was the fresh faces and replaced with sullen, tear-stained ones. No hand assembled curriculums, although I'm very happy with what we're using... it's all I can do to get through a single math lesson with my brains intact. It boggles my mind to think that these Superwomen? Magically gifted mothers? Controllers of Space and Time? can find the time or energy to create, organize, laminate, hole punch or shoot... THINK UP any of this stuff. By the end of the day, my brain is oozing out my ear and I am semi comatose in my rocker chair watching HGTV (like I'll ever do any of that stuff) and babbling like Brittany Spears on a Friday night.

My first instinct was to blame everyone but myself. The kids were having a hard time transitioning, Haley's being stubborn, Emilys being stubborn, they're both being disrespectful, they need to learn a better work ethic. Ok... well, these things may well all be true but it's not the crux of the matter.

The problem is ME. I'm not transitioning well. I had this vision in my mind that it was going to be rainbows and lollipops and my children were going to win national spelling bees and be asked to meet the President and Oh! OH! And I was going to be THE BEST HOMESCHOOLING MOM EVER. The reality is, it's freaking hard work, most days I don't want to do it, and if I'm not there by them putting every second into it they are, well then we are both destined to fail. It's my attitude that needs readjustment here.

I've been an independent working gal for a long time, since my first husband and I seperated. it's been a matter of great pride to me that I was a single mother who can take care of herself and even after marrying always had a job and contributed to the household. (My 1st husband didn't believe in working Mothers, so I had a huge chip on my shoulder blah blah blah... 'nother blog post!) Now that we decided that I would stay home and homeschool the kids? I've been so... lost. And then it occurred to me that what I've probably been projecting to my kids the last couple months is that same ungrounded feeling. I haven't been able to project confidence because I haven't felt it. I've avoided the conflicts. And because of this they've floundered.

I'm realizing that they can't step up to the plate until I do. I've realized that I can't compare myself to other people writing about their experiences because they aren't ME. And that I'm not perfect. But I'll learn to be a little bit better a little at a time.

And maybe, in a couple years, I'll get around to making clown shaped cupcakes.

Why our life rocks

2009-09-15T15:31:00.009-08:00

My childhood was a study of opposites, on one hand, I enjoyed aspects that leave me utterly nostalgic , and other aspects leave me scratching my head and thinking, "what were THEY thinking?". (Pertaining to my Father and Step Mom... Not my real Mom. And that's a whole 'nother blog post) I might have missed the boat on the whole "Parental support and love" thing when it came to my primary caregivers, but when it came to experiencing good wholesome outdoors fun, I did it all as a kid.

My extended family owns a whole huge piece of property on the coast of Oregon. It's a heritage that's been in the family since the very early 1900's. My great-grandparents lived on this property in the old farm house until they passed on, along with my grandparents in the house they built when they got married. My great uncle had another parcel, and then my aunt and uncle were given another at their marriage. My parents lived in southcentral Oregon for the most part (we moved when the house got dirty), but since I had an uncle who was only 6 weeks older than myself, we spent most of our summers out with my grandparents, keeping my uncle company through the lazy days of summer and roaming over a 3000 acre homestead.

And this was no plains homestead like you would image Laura Ingalls riding her pony on. Although there were always cows. This land sat in a cozy valley in a lush, rain-forest like environment. Myrtle trees, maples and pines covered every inch of land that wasn't used for gardening, the cows or the houses. There was a swimming hole surrounded by stinging nettles, which I often found with my poor legs, but never deterred us from making good use of it. We even had a waterfall up on the hillside. Not a huge one, but nevertheless lovely in it's own right. Moss and ferns completed the picture to create a beautiful prehistoric-esque atmosphere.

This isn't a picture specifically of the property, but looks very very much like it.

I can remember throwing rocks at the ancient "Bee Tree" that stood along the dirt road. (Don't all children have a death-wish?) Chasing the cows in the pasture was a must every day, and somehow we never managed to get caught or hurt. Up on the hill above my grandparents house, there was a huge stand of vine maple trees, which was perfect to climb like little monkeys on the limbs that trailed from high up all the way to the ground.

At the old farm house, it was magic. There was the old apple orchard, which never failed to supply a bumper crop of delicious fruit, the fig tree in front with terrible tasting fruit (I thought) but was great for climbing. There was a huge barn and open garage, with more dangerous tools, machinery and equipment to risk our necks on, but we somehow never did get hurt. And then the garden! The whole family worked together to make this garden every year, and it yielded enough veggies for the whole family to can, put away and supply most of the church with as well. Everyone in our church knew to expect a banana bag full of zucchinis and green beans hanging from their side mirrors come harvest time.

This was a very long way of saying that this is why I live where I do and the way I do. We live in rural interior Alaska, about 80 or so miles from the nearest grocery store. We have nowhere near the acreage that my family did, but our 4 acres suit us just fine. The girls spend the summers outside building forts and playing with our chickens. They can be loud and run and climb. They can be the way children were meant to be, exploring their environments and finding excitement in the outdoors.

We may not have a waterfall, or cows, or even a Bee Tree, but I hope they are just as grateful as I am to my family for providing a childhood full of memories that don't involve just TV and Playstation. We might have been screwed up in the religion department growing up, but I would never take back my summers of romping on that farm.

Homeschooling Freedoms

2009-09-13T22:19:00.003-08:00

It looks like a dialog has begun in our state that may or may not be long overdue. I came across this article in the Anchorage Daily News Miner regarding homeschooling in our state. Although I think the article portrayed homeschoolers in a pretty negative light in our state, and the vast majority of homeschooling parents are extremely responsible and capable, I believe the discussion is worth having.

Where do parents rights and the rights of children to receive an adequate education find common ground? Is it the states responsibility and/or obligation to make sure all children are receiving a proper education? Do parents have the right to make all educational decision with no interference from outside influences, even if that means NO education at all?

As a new convert to the homeschooling lifestyle, these are hard questions for me to answer. On one hand, I want to carry a torch for non-interference and parents rights to educate their children in the manner they choose. After all, the state funded educational system most kids are now a part of is a relatively new concept. Homeschooling is a tradition that is time honored and true. And the more I research, the more I realize that the plethora of homeschooling styles have a valuable place in our society, as they address the needs of many children who would otherwise be lost or held back in a regimented school environment. Homeschooling, among other things, is a vehicle for thousands of children to reach a potential that would be unimaginable in a class filled with 25-30 other students.

On the other hand, I have seen first hand a couple of families who claimed to "home school". Which was code for... Nothing. At. All. No education. No reading, no math, science, history, social studies or even art. No deep one-on-one conversations with a caring parent addressing the questions and learning potential of their offspring. The children in these cases were completely illiterate until they were finally put into school in their early teens (in one case). If SpongeBob didn't teach it, they didn't know it. It was painful to watch these kids run rampant with no parenting or guidance whatsoever. They had a moral right to an education, but due to the negligence of their guardians, they were held back from their full potential. And to my knowledge, never rebounded from that crucial setback. So unfair.

So I think it theoretically behooves us to have some sort of monitoring of what goes on academically in homeschooled households, but I have a hard time supporting that because it is a hard line to draw. And is it fair to interfere into the lives of the vast majority of homeschooling households who do a wonderful job educating their children?

Somehow, no matter what the State of Alaska decides to do, if they change anything, I think that someone will get the short end of the stick. Either children will continue to fall through the cracks of poor parenting, or good parents and homeschoolers will be burdened with unnecessary and invasive monitoring and testing.

I just can't help but wonder if there is a good middle ground?

“If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people”- Chinese Proverb

Our Visiting Flat Stanley

2009-09-12T22:12:00.010-08:00

Our first visiting Flat Stanley, sent by Collin in Massachusetts, finally made it to our home and of course the girls were excited to show him around!

Since we were headed up to Eielson Air Force Base for an appointment, we brought him along to show him a little bit of Interior Alaska north of where we live. While at Eielson, we stopped at Heritage Park, where there are static displays to show some of the jets we've seen in action in the skies above Alaska.

The first jet Stanley saw was an A-10 "Warthog". We learned that this aircraft was designed to fly very slow and low to the grown, unlike other jets that usually do the opposite. He heard this jet is very loud when it flies over!

Then Flat Stanley actually got to sit on an F-16 "Fighting Falcon". At one time this was the military's most maneuverable plane. We found out that this plane can go 1,500 miles per hour, WOW!

The girls posing with Flat Stanley at a monument in Heritage Park.

Next, we drive about 10 miles to the town of North Pole, and of COURSE... Santa's House!!!

Stanley told us that Santa's House looked exactly like he imagined it would...

He even saw a few of Santa's reindeer! Flat Stanley learned that these animals are called "Caribou" when found in the wild in Alaska. Although caribou have some differences physically, they are essentially the same species. The girls remembered seeing caribou many times while driving near Cantwell on the way to Anchorage. One time we even saw them crashing their antlers together!

We wondered what their special diet was? Probably grain and hay! No junk food for these healthy guys! In the wild, they would eat lichens, along with willow and birch leaves and grasses.

Another picture of the reindeer we saw. We think this one was Donner. We learned that both male and female reindeer grow antlers, which they lose and then grow back every year, and are covered by a layer of fur called velvet.

Santa wasn't in, but Flat Stanley was able to sit in his chair for a picture.

There were several walls covered with letters to Santa from all over the world! Stanley thought it was neat to see something else that traveled... just like himself!

Our family loved showing Flat Stanley from Massachusetts around Eielson Air Force Base and North Pole! We can't wait to host more so that we can continue to showcase some really great things about where we live!

To learn more about the Flat Stanley Project... Click Here!

Nifty Educational Learning Game Sites

2009-09-11T01:47:00.006-08:00

In my travels (ie- I was feeling too lazy to get my butt out of the chair), I've come across a few really great sites for fun and educational games. If you know of more please write me a comment and I'll add to the list!

Fun Brain- I was suggested this site when I was complaining about my fourth grader struggling with place value concepts.

PBS Kids- Oh my gosh... who wouldn't want to play a game with the Dragons of Dragon Tales or the Lions of Between the Lions?

Fisher Price Games- For the little-uns. We used this site a lot when Lauryn was first learning her ABCs.

Knowledge Adventure- Also for the younger set. Haven't used this site but looks pretty cool!

Primary Games- Also not one I've used. I'd like to hear from anyone who has used any of these sites!

Discovery Kids- Uh, yeah, who WOULDN'T love this site?!? So it's not educational... but I totally dug the "Big Bug Blast".

FunSchool- I love this site! Not so hot on sites with a ton of advertising, but some good content nonetheless.

Starfall- When it comes to teaching your children to read, this is the first site I'd head to for supplementary fun.

Let me know about others and I'll post them!

Flat Stanley Project

2009-09-03T02:15:00.007-08:00

While reading through some of my favorite blogs, I came across an invitation at Work of Childhood to join families in a nationwide Flat Stanley project. I thought- "Of course! Why not!?! The kids'll LOVE it!".

So we sat down last night to decorate our own Flat Stanleys, one per girl, to be mailed off to New York. While in New York, we will be emailed stories and pictures about what our Stanleys have been up to. Then, they will be mailed off to another family in another state, where we'll hear from them there.

The girls are excited and looking forward to hosting our first Stanley, coming all the way from Collin in Massachusetts!

Alaskan Autumn

2009-09-02T19:59:00.009-08:00

Fall in Alaska is a bittersweet affair. The days start shortening and there is a smell of cold in the air that has snuck up on residents the last few weeks. It is, however, a beautiful time of year, with birch trees turning an intense yellow and a carpet of bright red on the forest floor.

It's a time of rushing for Alaskans though, with many preparations for winter to be made. Harvesting in the gardens, moose hunting, last minute fixes on houses and properties before a thick layer of snow carpets everything.

Every year, summer seems to be too short, but winter brings it's own joys. Warm fires, northern lights, and plenty of time indoors to persue hobbies and pasttimes.

It was a good summer, but there will be plenty to enjoy about winter too.

One Silly Hen

2009-09-02T19:32:00.005-08:00

I found this sign on Ebay awhile back... I thought it fit us quite well and now hangs at the entrance to our property.

LegoLand

2009-08-30T01:10:00.005-08:00

Crazy in Alaska Sez:
Sitting around on the floor building spaceships out of Legos never goes out of style.

Oobleck

2009-08-24T17:11:00.004-08:00

Today Emily's science lesson included learning how to observe qualitative and quantitative properties using Oobleck. The kids had never seen this stuff before so everyone had to take part in this experiment!

Ewwwey gooey fun-ness!

Lauryn and Haley giving their observations

Emily discovering it's not totally liquid

Oobleck Recipe:
2 C. corn starch
1 C. water
Green Food Color (Optional)
Tin foil or wax paper for work area

Mix the ingredients with spoon or fingers. When pushed or rolled together, the mixture will appear dry and solid; as you let go of the mixture, it flows like a smooth liquid.
*Note- don't dispose of this mixture down the sink! It will clog things up!

Muffin Tin Monday

2009-08-24T14:09:00.003-08:00

In my search to make homeschooling a fun and interesting proposition for the girls, I came across a really nifty idea at Her Cup Overfloweth. The idea is called "Muffin Tin Mondays" and involves making cute, fun, and often themed meals in a muffin tin. Whoever came up with this idea was a domestic genius.

Last week we tried it out, using some matching cups I found on the cheap at Freddies. (Actual muffin tins will have to wait, they were $7 each!) There was no theme for the week so I just went with what I had in the cupboards. The result? A HUGE hit with the girls.

My "Muffin Tin Monday" was no where near the cool and imaginative ideas on other bloggers sites, but for a first timer, I don't think it was half bad. They had PBJ cut into hearts, with strawberries. Beef sticks with cheese, apples, and pizza flavored goldfish crackers.

I'm going to continue to look for ways to spice up the week when it comes to our homeschooling adventure, but for Mondays, I think Muffin Tin Meals fit the bill!

Our Fourth Grade Classroom

2009-08-22T14:43:00.014-08:00

Haley has been the one to surprise me the most in transitioning to homeschooling. As many of our closer friends and acquaintances know, Haley is an independent and colorful child, and dances to the beat of her own drum. These are qualities that will make her a dynamic adult, but also drives me off a cliff as a parent. She's a fighter, and never ever takes things at face value (including instructions), so I anticipated a huge struggle in beginning to homeschool.

To my surprise, things have gone very smoothly, and I think it is large part not due to my skills as a teacher, (as much as I'd like to think so) but due to how wonderfully structured, engaging and complete her curriculum is. She might have some quirks, (that apple didn't fall too far!) but she's a smart cookie, and challenging school-work is exactly what her sharp little mind needs to keep engaged and out of mischief!

As I've said before, we decided to go with Calvert Curriculum for all three kiddos. Before everything arrived, Haley was more or less ambivalent about the whole idea of homeschooling, but once the boxes arrived, she was suddenly eager and ready to start learning. One of the wonderful things about Calvert is what a great variety of resources they deliver. It's not just reading, writing and arithmetic. It's maps and globes, it's critical thinking, phonics, vocabulary, history, art, technology, grammar and spelling. I am so impressed at how diverse the curriculum is. I would never have been able to pick out such great stuff on my own. Not without hours upon hours of research and agonizing.

Math is again Calvert's own books and they are wonderful. I do wish they came with more manipulates like base 10 blocks, we've already lost a couple of the paper ones provided, but the books so far are really comprehensive and well written. I also appreciate how colorful the text is.

Some of the concepts she'll be covering this year are:
Multiplication
Statistics and Data- Mean, Median, Mode; Graphs, function tables
Division
Measurement- Your basic width, height, volume, temperature, and covers not only standard, but metric units.
Beginning Geometry- Lines, angles, rays, polygons, quadrilaterals, symmetry, area, perimeter etc.
Fractions and Probability
Adding and subtracting Fractions and Decimals

For Reading, she was provided quite a variety of activities. We received Robinson Crusoe, Island of the Blue Dolphins (which she is chomping at the bit to read), and two books I had not seen before, Mighty Men and Famous Legends.

Mighty Men tells the stories of famous men who put their mark on history both in fact and legend, such as Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Hannibal, King Arthur and William the Conqueror. Famous Legends includes many tales from around the world, from those we all know like Robin Hood and King Arthur to legends I had not heard of from countries like Portugal, Italy and Germany. I think I'll be just as interested in these as the student will be!

Also in her reading materials are three other books, Critical Thinking by Steck-Vaughn, Poetry Selections and Vocabulary Connections also by S-V. I especially appreciate the Critical Thinking textbook, which covers the concepts of knowing, understanding, applying, analyzing, synthesizing and evaluating. I think it's great that she will be learning skills to help her get so much more from what she reads. It's not just about learning, but learning HOW to learn. I think these kind of analytical skills are missing from most other brick and mortar reading curriculums, I know that I was never formally taught a lot of these concepts, and more recently, neither was Emily.

Everyday Spelling by Scott Foresman-Addison Wesley, is, of course, the spelling curriculum, made to work in weekly units. Although I wish that Calvert had stuck with Steck-Vaughn on this one too, (I'm a BIG fan of their Spelling- Linking Words to Meaning books) this book follows a great formula of introducing the words and then reinforcing other connected concepts like definitions, usage, and grammar.

History! What's not to love about the history books! Calvert uses their very own "A Child's History of the World", written by their first Head Master. Upon first glance, the text looks very plain jane, but in reading through, it is anything but. It is written in a very understandable, conversational way that seems to grab the child in a way traditional texts do not. We've already been through several history lessons, and although Haley swore she didn't like history, she loves to talk about what she learned even weeks after we went over it. Through the year she'll get a really good overview of world history from cave man to cold war.

Just some of the history she'll be covering.

Science- Wow! I love this science book! The textbook is from McGraw-Hill, written in partnership with the National Geographic Society and is freaking awesome. I would have happily maimed to have a science textbook like this in school. It has wonderfully engaging text, beautiful full-color pictures, experiments galore, along with many other fun features like "Nat-Geo's FUNtastic Facts", "Science Magazine", "interNET Connection", "Skill Builders", "Science Words" and journaling activities. Haley looks forward to science time and is having a blast with the experiments we've done so far.

Technology is going to be very interesting for Haley this year. Although our kids are pretty tech savvy, this curriculum is just what she needs to put polish on her skills. Some of the concepts she'll be covering are: Emailing, Presentations, Word Processing, Spreadsheets, Databases, Web Browsing and Graphing. Some of this she already knows the basics of, but with this instruction, she'll have the proper terminology and understanding of not only what she's doing, but why.

Phonics by Steck Vaughn is a really nice book, it seems to be an extension of her Spelling Curriculum but goes a little more in depth with word structure. I do notice that between Everyday Spelling, Vocabulary Connections, Phonics, and the Grammar and Usage book, there is quite a bit of overlap in the curriculum, but since she doesn't use every book every day, it's not overkill.

Composition does not have it's own textbook, rather is written into the daily lesson plans. It will give Haley some much needed practice and polish on her writing skills, starting from the planning stage through to completed projects. I also notice, in looking through her lesson plans, that many of her projects will be cross-curricular, which will be great reinforcement for those subjects. I've noticed that she'll be writing about the books she reads, history she learns and grammar activities. Art will also be much this way, with a lot of focus in correlating to history lessons. She will also be doing "Picture Studies", analyzing and studying pictures of sculptures, paintings and architecture.

Geography is mostly taken from the above text- Maps Globes Graphs. It's your pretty basic overview of how to read maps and globes, different kinds of maps, distance, scale and so on.

This sounds like a lot to cover, but it really goes surprisingly quick with a willing student every day. Math, Reading and Spelling are daily programs, History usually 3 days a week, Science 3-4 times, Composition around 3 times, and Art, Phonics and Grammar, technology 1 or 2 times a week. We are starting to build a routine, which is key, and Haley is able to work more independently as we go and she becomes familiar with what is expected of her. We still have fireworks from time to time, generally at the beginning of the "school day", I think to test my boundaries. But as long as I can stay consistent, these will continue to be more and more rare. It's not easy to transition from traditional school to having Mom teach school, so I give mad props to my kids for just coming as far as they have in such a short time!

Haley's School Shelf

Surprise!

2009-08-18T13:06:00.004-08:00

As many of you know, we are huge Guinea Pig lovers. We have 4- Mitchy, Scout, ChiChi and Alvin. Although we are attempting to show them, they are our beloved pets first and foremost, and we love them to pieces.

Anyways, one night, hmmmm... let's say, 58-70 days ago, Scout and Mitchy, our golden solid and broken Americans, went on a secret walkabout in Emilys room. We don't know how they got out of their cages, although I suspect *someone* left the doors open as she had a habit of doing about that time.

Fast-forward almost two months from that late night rendezvous. I walk upstairs this morning to Aaron telling me drolly. "There's an extra one in the top cage".

He's so excitable, this one.

Since I had just woken up, I was a tad confused until I saw THIS in Mitchy's cage.

Mitchy is a Mama! Oh my gosh! We had no idea she was pregnant, she was looking a little round, but as her breeder thought she was a little underweight as of a couple weeks ago, I thought she was just gaining the extra weight she needed. I'm just very thankful we spoil our piggies with daily veggies and fruits. She has been getting wonderful nutrition all along.

I'll give the baby a couple days on it's feet, and then we'll turn her/him over to sex it and give it a name. In the meantime, I can imagine all the girls in the family will be gathered around the cage most of the day to watch our little new addition!

Fair Time Means Rain Time

2009-08-17T08:10:00.011-08:00

It's fair time in Alaska, which to all resident here officially signals the end of summer and good weather. It is odd how every year you can bank on the weather being beautiful up until the week before fairtime, and then as if a switch is throw, BAM... fair and rain. Which... is totally ok, if you've read any other posts of mine, you'll know rain is definitely needed.

So we headed on up to Fairbanks on Friday, armed with jackets and hats, to have a day at the Tanana Valley State Fair. It's a small fair, and the rides probably date back to statehood, but theres lots of animals and fun things for the kids to do and see, so it was money well spent. Not to mention the food. Well, fair food only comes once a year and it's worth the price of admission to sample deep fried snickers bars, navajo tacos and gyros... just to name a few.

The girls got to ride a few of the rides, which they enjoyed. Haley had to be talked into a few, but once she was on there, she loved every one.

The Dragon Roller Coaster was the big hit of the short crowd

Daddy sacrificing to go on a ride with Lauryn. It's a shame he didn't have fun!

Daddy on the "Sizzler" with Haley. It's for the kids ya know... *ahem*

All 3 girls on the swings. Although the clouds looked angry most of the day, it stayed dry for the most part, which was a good thing!

Ok, so there's a story involved with the above picture. A story in which you will go: "OH... ok, I GET the blog name now".

Let me just throw out there that I am extremely scared of heights. Phobic, I guess you could say. I can handle snakes, spiders, and even dirt under my fingernails *shudder*, but with heights, I get irrational, and the main target of my craziness is usually the kids. I know, I know, I really shouldn't project my fears onto my children so that they can absorb them and grow up irrationally afraid of stuff they need not be, but I just can't help it. I see them near an edge or by any high place and you'll see me going all pycho-overprotective-Mom.

So Lauryn, MY BABY, my little girl, decides she wants to go on the hang glider ride. Yes, the one that goes WAY HIGH IN THE AIR. The one without a 20 point harness to keep little bodies strapped in, just a highly inadequate (in my view) cage and bars for holding. Why oh why did I agree to let them ride it? So she gets on it, I'm good... it starts going round and round. Ok... I can handle this. "Hi Lauryn! Mommy sees you! Wheeee!"

....And then it goes UP. And Mommy has a very public mental breakdown in which I blubber hysterically into my husbands shoulder for three full minutes that "the Baby" is way too high up and that she's too little and we're abusive parents for letting her go on this ride. (even though she begged) I have to wonder if it's the first time someone that WASN'T on the ride was traumatized by it. I'm also ashamed to admit that the girls had to spend 15 minutes after the ride consoling me whilst I tried to get control of myself and doing their best to convince me that they were not bodily harmed during the ride. Yeesh. I guess my lesson of the day? Just because I'm medicated doesn't mean little pieces of crazy can't still slip out and show themselves in a big big way.

Speaking of crazy... I have to say that my favorite part of the fair is the people. To me, the fair is a study in human diversity, and I am always suprised at the not-quite-your-norm people who creep out of the woodwork during this week. Not that I judge, hey, I have my quirks too (see above), but 355 days of the year, you just don't SEE these people. Where do they shop? Is there a Vampire-Matrix-ite-only Walmart that I don't know about?

So, long story short, it was a really nice day. Aaron and I treasure these times when the children are still willing to be seen with us publicly and actually enjoy spending time with us. That time will go fast, I'm sure.

Our Kindergarten Classroom

2009-08-13T22:42:00.007-08:00

So we've gotten a couple weeks into our homeschooling and so far so good! Here's an overview of what Lauryns up to on the school front.

I struggled and agonized over curriculum. We had lots of great suggestions from some of our homeschooling friends so at least I did have a starting point for choosing. There's a lot of great stuff out there. In the end, upon the suggestion of our homeschool program (Cyberlynx), we went with Calvert, one of the biggest, oldest homeschool curriculums out there. I definitely wasn't confident to make up my own lesson plans, and really needed something structured and scripted. We had very seriously considered another big company, K12, but in the end went with Calvert because I was concerned about the amount of time spent on a computer, and the possible eye strain that might cause.

So Cyberlynx ordered Calvert for us (no out of pocket expense... YAY!) and the day our box showed up it was a bit like Christmas. Especially for Lauryn who has not figured out yet it's cool to scoff at learning stuff. (Hopefully it'll stay that way!)

The great thing about Calvert is that it covers all your bases. No guesswork as to if you are covering everything they should be taught. Her lesson plans include Social Studies, technology, phonics, handwriting, science, math, arts and crafts and more. There are even recess, music, and movement activities included in every days routine to keep your little one motivated and refreshed.

Math is Calvert's self-designed curriculum. Since Lauryn is a little ahead, we've been finding the beginning lessons a little below her level, but we've been zipping through most of it as review. It's definitely not dry work though, and we've really been enjoying math. The books are very colorful and fun and have been working very well to keep Lauryn interested and engaged.

Lauryn has her own shelf where all her school books are kept!

One of my favorite subjects, Reading, includes Calvert's "Poetry and Prose" book. I love that she is being exposed to different forms of writing at such an early age and at an appropriate level. Also for reading are several books from Houghton Mifflin covering Phonics. So far she has only started the "Practice Book", which she is also flying through as review. I estimate about halfway through this book she'll start hitting some new concepts. But she is enjoying most of it and I've been picking out the parts I think she'll benefit the most from reviewing and skipping others. It does have a looong section where they just write letters over and over, and since she already knows her letters well, it just frustrates her. Soon she'll dig into the rest, including a Word and Picture Book, Phonics Library, and readers. Lesson plans will begin to include more in the way of writing, reading comphrehension and fluency, which is more in line with what she needs to work on.

Also included was a large stack of reading books that are just beautiful. They cover many genres and many are by authors most of us know and love, like Lois Ehlert and Tomie dePaola. The best thing, is that many of the stories are integrated across the curriculum, with links to math, social studies and art lessons. The top book in the picture is Lauryns current favorite, "Ten Little Puppies: a Song from the Oral Hispanic Tradition". I love love love that it's not just SpongeBob and Dora, it's culture! (Not to say that SpongeBob doesn't enjoy a special place in our family!)

Science looks to be getting more and more interesting as the year goes on. So far she's covered some pretty basic stuff, the body, tastebuds and the like. Going through the lesson manual, she'll be covering subjects like sound, pollution, recycling, natural resources, seasons, weather, how plants grow, seeds and fruit, trees, the sun and earth,underwater life, and much much more.

The arts and crafts are going to be fun fun fun. We started out with some scribble art (pictured above) and we'll be getting into all kinds of mediums. I see listed: creating animals out of stones and paint, creating musical instruments, making a "Night Moon Picture", stained glass pictures, mirror images, and lots of fun stuff, much of it crossing subjects into science and social studies. I don't know who's going to have more fun with this, me or her!

All and all it's going great. Once we get a little farther on, it will become more challenging for Lauryn, which I can see already she definitely needs more of. I'll post updates as things progress!

Diego and Rocky approve of Calvert Curriculum!

(Coming Soon: 4th and 6th Grade classroom overviews)

Something else to keep me from doing laundry

2009-08-11T23:18:00.005-08:00

I found this cool site today whilst I was trying to ignore the housework. There are a lot of gorgeous and fun blogging tools here, and I can see myself spending a lot of time messing around with some of the stuff!

Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com

Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com

They have tickers, phototinks, family generators, announcements, and all kinds of cool stuff. And the best thing is? They are super quick and easy to use. Can't beat that!

Fire Update

2009-08-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

Although it looked pretty spectacular the first two days of the fire, and I wondered if this might be the time we'd have to evacuate, things have settled down quite a bit on the fire front. Of which I'm sure my chickens are quite grateful, I didn't think they'd enjoy the car ride to wherever we ended up evacuating to.

We've had a couple crews of firefighters out on the property, which is alarming in and of itself, (although it made for a nice view in my front yard) but really is just a precaution on their part, in the event of a worst case scenario. I really don't think it'll come to that. And after the almost solid week of rain that we've had, I'm confident we're pretty safe.

The biggest threat now is the smoke that drifts down over the roadways in the area from a huge, wet, smoldering fire.

This was unbeknownst to us as we drove to town a few days back, and encountered a wall of smoke that at many points brought visibility down to 20 feet or less. When you're 40 miles from home, and town is 40 miles up ahead, and you're in the middle of BFE Alaska, there's nothing to do but go on and hope you don't drive off a mountain cliff. Which for someone with an anxiety problem like me? Says a lot about how far I've come.

The "H" Word, Revised

2009-08-09T22:14:00.001-08:00

I deleted an earlier post about our decision to homeschool the children. Although it accurately reflected our feelings at the time, I also recognize that homeschooling is a polarizing issue in our community, and don't wish to portray our situation in an inflammatory light. Our reasons for our decisions were personal, and unique to us, and I sincerely enjoyed many aspects of working at and having our children attend the local school.

I do however, sincerely believe that homeschooling is what is right for our family right now. If circumstances change, I may very well change my stance next year, and the girls may reenter the school. That option is definitely still open, but for now, this is what is best for our family, both emotionally and academically.

Education is such an important issue for me. I want my children to have all of the opportunities and choices I never had. I believe that education plays a huge part of our children having the skills, ablities and confidence to fulfill their potential and be everything they want to be. Sometimes I think that administrators can lose sight of the fact that school issues can be intensely emotional for parents. In the midst of paperwork, budgeting, meetings and school politics it is probably easy to lose sight of the personal sides of the issues. I understand that they have a job to do, but, so do I. I have a responsibility that my children grow up to be healthy, happy, responsible human beings and have every tool I can give them to do so. If I don't feel that I have a voice in what happens to my children in school, or that the administration is listening to my concerns, than it is my duty to take back that control. I get only one shot at my children's childhoods, and I want to do what is best for THEM.

That all being said, we have officially started our homeschooling journey. The books and supplies have all arrived and we daily gather around the table to do our learning.

We purchased a shelf from the base furniture store to house all of our curriculum books. We have plans to convert our garage into a school-room, but I suspect that those plans will go the way of the entry-way tiling and fixing up the downstairs bathroom. So for now, everything is in the living and dining areas.

Lauryn is especially enjoying homeschool, and is actually ahead of schedule. She asks several times a day to "do school", so we end up covering a couple units a day.

Emily hard at work. She is enjoying homeschooling for the most part, but is having a few issues with self-doubt. It will take some adjusting on her part to know that she can work at her own pace.

Haley has been doing even better at the start than I expected. She's a pretty stubborn cookie, so I went into this knowing there was going to be some head-butting. We definitely have that, but it usually happens at the very beginning of every day (as a test of my boundaries I think?) and then once the fireworks end, she happily goes about her work. I suspect that the Battle of the Wills will become less and less frequent as we both adjust to the routine.

Everyone Else Gets It....

2009-08-09T00:41:00.000-08:00

Aaron (jokingly)- "Lauryn, you're egotistical aren't you?!"
Lauryn- "What's eco-tisticle?"
Aaron- "It means you think you're perfect..."
Lauryn (incredulous)- "But I *am* perfect!!!"

I cringe to think of the teenage years with this one....

Looking forward to a "Happy" New Years: The Update

2009-08-08T23:56:00.000-08:00

I love writing, and when I've actually had the time and the inclination, (More so time) I've tried my hand at blogging. I've had several, and none that lasted more than a post or two. I did create one here on Blogger a couple of years ago, during a really hard part of my life, posted once, and never came back to it until recently. As I was re-reading this post just tonight, it dawned on me that I did not record what happened to my life when I made a huge change (for me) and made the leap into admitting I have depression and an anxiety disorder and seeking treatment.

As I had stated, for a thousand reasons, getting help was the hardest part of that journey. But for a million reasons, I am now so thankful I did. My doctor put me on Lexapro, and I was one of the lucky ones who hit a perscription home run on the first swing. Many people do a lot of trial and error to get the right medication and dosage. For me, the Lexapro made me be able to be the person I am suppose to be.

Two weeks into taking meds, there was a day when the sun came out. I felt a huge weight lift off of my mind and my shoulders. I was able to get through the day without having paralyzing panick attacks or terrible fits of anger. I could get through the day without crying and drive to town without pulling over to stop my heart from pounding and hyperventilating. It wasn't all rainbows and ponies, but for the first time in years I was sleeping more than 4 hours a night straight through, and coping on a day to day basis. This was HUGE for me. The medication didn't change me. It just enabled me to be a good mother to my children again and a good wife to my husband. After my husband got back from school, one day he hugged me, gave me a kiss on my forehead and said- "I'm so glad I have back the woman I fell in love with". I was glad too.

There are still times with the anxiety reaches up from somewhere in my stomach and clenches my heart and lungs. Or the anger bubbles into my brain, threatening to spill over into an uncontroled fit of temper. But now I feel like I'm the one in control, and that this too shall pass. And that depression is not who I am, but something that I have, and treat.

Meet Alvin

2009-08-07T20:57:00.000-08:00

I have a serious addiction to a little known local site for military members. It's kinda like ebay for the military up here and especially helps PCSing people get rid of extra stuff before they leave for civilization. The downside? Ebay and Amazon whores like me end up with stuff they really don't need and the hubby threatens to leave if I BRING HOME ONE MORE ANIMAL off the board. Not really, but he has told me to stop looking for cripes sake.

I did accidentally navigate to the page the other day (whoopsies!) and there was the cutest guinea pig on there, free with cage, food, toys and miscellaneous supplies. Since free is my favorite price and the picture of him was SOOO! CUTE! I asked the hubs what he thought. He sighed, rolled his eyes and said... "Ok, call and see what they say." He's a keeper, I've known this for awhile now.

So, long story short, we met up with the family who was giving the guinea pig away. It's was clearly a case of- we saw this animal in Petco when it was tiny and adorable, but cleaning the cage and/or spending time with it became too much trouble. And Dad had had enough.

When we saw him our immediate response was- "Oh my gosh! Do they COME in that size?!?" This pig has to be part moose or something. It is by far the biggest pig I've ever seen. He's been given some Miracle Grow in his water or something.

His name is Alvin, and here is his photographic debut:

He's beautiful and sweet and we love him to pieces!

Summer in Alaska, one of the unfortunate side effects

2009-08-05T19:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon, sometime in the afternoon we started getting phone calls... rapid-fire. The subject??? "Do you need us to come out and help clear trees around your house for the fire?"

Well, this was as abrupt and suprising to us as it sounds here. Fire? What??? We have a large fire in the local area, the Railbelt Complex Fire, which is actually the largest fire in the country right now. But that is on the other side of the highway, and although we had been keeping tabs on it, our concern has mostly been for friends who live closer to Nenana.

Well, that changed yesterday when a monster fire grew in the hills behind us and exploded into an all-out-holy-shit-thats-what-you-call-a-wildfire kinda blaze.

Since we're pretty socked in with trees here, we took a drive down to the Clear Sky Lodge to see what we could see. And this is what we saw...

*GULP!*

The wind had been taking it more or less away from us, but the firefighters who! came! to! the! house! today! said that it's creating it's own wind and growing all around. So we're doing a major rain dance for everyone in the area. I'm pretty confident we'll be a-ok, but there's lots of good people in the area that I hope won't be at risk.

Another picture taken by a friend on her phone late last night... Wowza!

More about Chickens

2009-07-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Our chickens enjoying their new run! The coop was generously built by the shop class at the school- Thank you Mr. Turnipseed and shop kiddos! They did a bang-up job and I hope they know how much we appreciated it!

Aaron built the run using metal fence posts and wire fencing from Lowes. We felt that with the wildlife around here, we needed something a little more substantial than chicken wire. Not to mention, we only wanted to do this ONCE and thought it would be best to go with something a little tougher. I think Aaron would have a nervous break-down if he had to do this again soon.

We did wrap a layer of the chicken wire around the bottom to keep in the smaller buggers. Even half grown the younger ones were able to come and go at will through the wire.... which defeated the purpose of a run! Chicken wire is also being draped across the top to keep flyers in and ravens and hawks OUT.

One of our Polish mean-mugging the camera

Our laying flock now consists of 4 buff-laced Polish, 1 Golden-laced Polish, 1 Golden-laced Wyandotte, 2 Buff Orpington, 1 Barred Rock and 2 Rhode Island Reds. Yesterday, I was informed by the hubby (the one who protested this whole thing in the first place!) that we needed some white chickens to round out our flock. My guess is he's coming around... :)

We also have 8 Cornish Cross destined for the freezer. While I'm excited to have home-grown chicken for the first time, I'm not sure I'll go with Cornish Cross again next year. They are dirty, stupid, mean little creatures. I'll happily serve them at my table!

Chickens, camp and bad addresses

2009-07-23T17:33:00.000-08:00

Lots going on in the household. Trying to cram in every last bit of fun and work that can be had in the summer can be exhausting!

The girls are away at camp, which makes for a much quieter house this week. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. I was looking forward to the down-time but find I miss them like crazy. I'm sure within 5 minutes of being home they'll be fighting and bickering and I'll be looking back wistfully to this week. They should be having a lot of fun though. They had all kinds of activities planned from horse-back riding to riding in a helicopter. Military kid camp rocks!

Emily waiting for the bus to camp

The chicken coop is almost totally buttoned up and functional. If now I could only figure out a way to keep them from rushing the door to the coop when I open it. You would think I was the local chicken crack dealer the way they act.

The only headache on the horizon is we still haven't gotten Lauryn's homeschool curriculum in the mail. Emilys and Haleys was recieved by the skin of our teeth about a week back. They listed our physical address (akin to "somewhere in Alaska") as our mailing address and as a result it was dropped off at the local bar. After calling all over creation I thought to call there and thank goodness, there it was. I was just informed that for the address on Lauryn's they listed as the school's. Oh dear. I am NOT picking that up! I can't quite figure out what our homeschool program people were thinking...

Tomorrow I go to pick up Emily and Haley. I can't wait to hear their stories!

Ugh

2009-07-07T17:58:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those weeks. I don't know if it's cabin fever, adjustment to big changes in our family, or if my meds just aren't working. Maybe a huge messy pot of all the above.

I'm just feeling... blah. I keep looking at all the crap around the house that needs to be done and I have the urge to jump off a bridge. We've had a bathroom upstairs that's been out of commission for over three years now, a bathroom in the master that is almost unusable, a entryway that is more dirt floored than anything else and a kitchen that is torn up and has no lights. The garage is STILL piled to the ceiling with STUFF, even after hours upon hours of cleaning and organizing by me, and the toilet upstairs won't flush without overflowing.

It's times like this that I feel the urge to just move. I've never been one to stay in the same place for very long, growing up we never had that sort of stability so I find that after awhile in one location I get itchy feet. It doesn't help that I'm having to homeschool the children because we don't trust the local school with our children's education, and I'm having to give up a job I love because of the same issues.

Since moving isn't an option I feel like I'm in a huge funk. There is so much I can't control and can't fix and I don't know what to do to help my attitude about it. I know I just need to get over myself at get my ass out of the house!

I've gotten an email that the homeschooling curriculum is on it's way, and I am getting more and more nervous about my ability to pull this off. I think that is adding to how I feel. This is so important to me. I'm terrified I'm going to mess it up. And it won't be me that suffers, but my kid's future potential. Education is so important to me, which is what led to this decision in the first place, so I want to make sure they get all that they deserve! I guess the fact that I'm so worried is a good sign? I guess we'll see, and aside from anything else, we will get through this and I'm sure learn a few things about ourselves in the process.

Looking toward a "Happy" New Years

2007-12-16T13:09:00.000-09:00

It's been creeping up on me, probably since later childhood. But I always had something to blame. Crazy, uncaring parents. Physical and mental childhood abuse. Life in a religious cult. Being surrounded by people who were never interested in who *I* really was.

Yeah, all these would be enough for anyone to feel down once in awhile. But I was raised in the mindset that to admit something is wrong with you would be weakness. As much as I fought against everything I was raised to believe, I allowed this thinking to stop me from seeking help for so many years.

I can remember going to the doctor maybe a handful of times in my life. All before I reached about 5th grade and always by my mother who was still in my life at the time. After that it didn't matter if I had a broken extremity. (which I did once.) We just didn't go to doctors. They gave you medication when you didn't need it and you racked up bills for something that was either in your head or you just didn't will yourself enough to get over.

This has left me with a terror of going to the doctors. I'm not even really sure why. I just have this feeling that the doctor will look at me and say "What the hell are you here for??? There's nothing wrong with you!", and then I'll feel like a complete idiot and a hypochondriac.

I've felt like there has been something really wrong with me for a long time. Probably back to about junior high when I would cry myself to sleep every night and feel like I was a total failure as a person in general. I certainly couldn't live up to the standards my parents imposed on me, and because of the religion my parents were involved in, felt like I was a constant disappointment to God... an evil person at my core.

Through teenagehood and early adulthood I can seperate my life into cycles of good and terrible. Some of it was a direct result of immature decisions. Some of it was my own internal hell.

This all came to a head when my husband left to attend training in Texas for approximately 4 months. A month and a half into him being gone it became abundantly clear to me how much I leaned on him just to get through every day. I was absolutely crippled without him. Emotionally, and almost physically. I've been working crazy hours just to keep myself from stopping. I feel like every moment has to be filled with activity so I don't have to be alone with myself and my thoughts.

So this past Friday I did what I knew I should have years ago. I picked up the phone and called the clinic. A couple days and a perscription for Lexapro later, I'm not sure how I feel. I can't even say I feel relieved.... just... waiting. For what I don't know. I've lived with terrible anxiety and a blackness in my core so long, I really don't know what it's like to function without it.

Let's hope I can find out soon.